Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Impracticality of It All - Part 2

In addition to my last post, I feel the need to show off these Hickory Sticks that I speak of. Click on the pictures to see the notes attached to them.

The Hickory Sticks

The Innards

Hand... must... get... in... bag.

Ah Hah! The Sticks are out.

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The Impracticality of It All

Hickory Sticks. You’re delicious, but to be honest with you, I avoid buying you because you are just not that practical.

No, I’m serious.

If you purchase a 50 g bag you got to really reach in there just to pick up those little sticks with your little fingers. And if you have larger hands? Yeah, you’re going to have a problem even fitting your hand in the bag. Then, of course, rather than obtaining a chip and popping it in your mouth, you’ve got to gather up all the little sticks and strategically get them in the mouth without losing a few sticks along the way.

If you purchase the larger bag version of the Hickory Sticks you may be thinking to yourself, “OOOH! Look at all those sticks! SoooOOOOoOOo many sticks!” ‘cause, you know, it’s a larger bag… hence the many sticks. Hmm. Truth be told, I have no idea where I was going with that last part – chances are I’m the only person thinking, “SoooOOOOoOOo many sticks!”


I find that the best way to eat Hickory Sticks is with a spoon. Yes, a spoon. With this spoon mechanism I can guarantee some good stick shovellin’ into the mouth at a much quicker pace than if fingers and a palm (used as the “plate” of course) were put into action.


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Plugs For Pervs

I hate, Hate, HATE it when this happens. I’ve got a feeling that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I forgot to put in my plugs in this morning. PLUGS. As in FOR THE HOLES IN MY EARS. Pervs.

Why would this bother me so much? For starters I work in a professional business environment and for second starters the people I work with? Yeah, SO not into any of the “junk” I have placed in or on my body. I already have to remove four piercings and put retainers in three others (the others can stay put because you either can’t see them or I just don’t want to remove them), so if they see a 2G hole in my ears?

Ugh. I can see/hear it now. The looks. The whispers.

Yeah, that’s right. It does bother me.

Today will be a day of strategy, where I strategically keep my hands over my ears and use the excuse, “Shucks! Isn’t it cold in here?!” while they give the look that you should only be giving to the crazies! HAH. And this had to happen on the day that we do the monthly birthday celebrations. Now the whole department will be there and I’ll be sitting in the corner, covering my ears in all my glory!


/end of rant.


Monday, May 29, 2006

Best Friends

As per Dawn’s question, to my post regarding losing my fingernail, I shall relive my years growing up with all the best friends that have come and gone.

There are some people in this world that have been fortunate enough to keep the same best friends from their youth all the way into adulthood and maybe into their senior years. Others, like me, have gone through best friends like a person would with socks. Okay, not quite, but you get the point.

Ah yes! Kindergarten. I remember my first best friend ever was a friendly girl named Nadia. She and I were inseparable, from playing in the class to playing in the playground during recess. We only got into an argument once and it only lasted a couple hours; to be honest, I don’t even recall what the argument was about. That friendship only lasted a year because my family and I moved to a different area of Edmonton and I had begun a new school.

In grade 1 I quickly became friends with a lovely boy named Michael. He would also be my first “boyfriend”. We were like “peas and carrots” or so Forrest Gump would say. For some reason, Michael was a bit of a bully so none of the children liked him a whole lot, but he was always wonderful to me. We went through a short period where we were slightly upset with each other. It started because I became friends with another boy named Brandon who lived in the same townhouse complex as me. Once Michael got over it, he and I got married in a snow castle in winter. In fact, I still have the ring he gave me – a beautiful, heart-shaped, plastic pink ring. That marriage lasted 3 years. The only reason it ended was because his parents got divorced, his mom re-married a Hulk Hogan look-a-like and he got sent away with his dad. A couple of years ago I heard that Michael became a Gap model for their commercials.

Then there was Anna. I can’t quite remember how long we were best friends, but I’m thinking it was around four years. We did everything together and even buried a time capsule to open when we were 20-something. That friendship ended a few months after I moved to Calgary. Back in the day before email, we wrote each other quite often until one day she stopped responding. Eh, oh well.

Hah. Then there was Veronica. We were best friends for about a year or so. Then came grade 7 and she went all Commando Bitch.

Hrmm… then there was Brianna. Best friends for about a year. Until I snapped out of it and realized that I no longer liked getting in trouble with the law and ditched her as a friend. Definitely a smart decision on my part.

Then, there was Celine – the friend that caused me to lose a fingernail. She and I were best friends like there were no other. We were all, woooh yah! bbf 4 evah! We did everything together and were stuck like glue. You know those high school girls that you see wearing the same thing or had matching bags? Yeah, that was us. (Please note: Yeah, I am totally ashamed of it now.) She and I were best friends until mid-grade 12, then the falling out. It all started when Celine, and another friend of ours, did not like how I kept “stealing” all the guys that they liked. First of all, it’s not “stealing” when the guys were the ones asking me out. Cannot be helped! Well, I guess the breaking point for them (after “stealing” Trevor (aka hot punk rocker with mohawk); Scott (aka Scottie the Hottie); and some other guy who’s name I can’t remember (aka guy I can’t remember) )was when I started dating Jason #1. Looking back on it, I should have let them have him because MY GOD that would have saved me the trouble of “Jason’s”. Anyway, Celine and other friend decided to go around and spread the rumour that I was a slut (HAHAHAHA. Honestly? So far off.) and that I was psychotic. Teehee. Okay, maybe I could see the latter. Once I found out about this rumour, I said, “Fuck off” and that was the end of it between Celine and me.

As of today, I have managed to keep three best friends that I love dearly, two of which have been my longest friendships to date.

There is Miranda (aka Whitey). She and I were friends in grade 9 through to grade 12. As of right now, she is one of the two friends I have maintained since high school. She and I both find it fascinating that we managed to stay best friends, especially considering we weren’t very close in high school and our personalities can clash quite a bit.

Then there is Derek. I have been best friends with this guy for four years now. He is like the brother I never had and he has always been there for me when I needed him. I, without a doubt, could not ask for a better friend than him.

Or could I? Because my all-time bestest friend in the whoooole wide world is Jamie. Not only do we have quite a history together (nearly 6 years of history) but we even have quite a story to tell on how we became friends. He means the universe to me and I would be completely lost without him. He is the first person I go to when I’m upset or happy and when I’m angry he’s the first person I’ll go to punch (yes punch, but at least it’s mutual – I’m there when he needs someone to punch).

And so that ends my insane list of best friends throughout the years. Best friends that I wish I could have kept in touch with would be Michael and Anna, and I certainly hope that I will maintain my friendship with Whitey, Derek and Jamie.


Oilers Are Moving On!

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! I AM TAKING A HOCKEY BREAK.

As mentioned previously, I am so drained from this hockey madness that has been created from my team making it this far in the playoffs. Well, especially since they are complete underdogs, they almost did not make it to the playoffs and were sitting in the eight spot.

I am so tired from doing so much laundry, so tired of pubs, so tired from yelling and cursing (Jamie wants the playoffs over with. I’m apparently “not normal” since the playoffs started.) and sooo tired of Heineken. Crap. NO. Not tired of Heineken. I just need to take a leave of absence from it.

So why this sudden hockey break? Because after 16 years my team is…


That’s right folks, on Saturday, May 27, the Edmonton Oilers won the series (4-1) against the Ducks with a 2-1 hockey game. Now it’s all up to the Eastern Conference to finish before we can move on to The Finals.

I don’t believe I have ever been happier before in my life. Wait, let me think about that one…

Yep, definitely. Never been happier before in my entire life.

Yeah, that girl standing over in the crowd of cheering Oiler fans? Her. The one jumping, screaming and possibly just dropped her bottle of beer to the floor. That’s me.

Now, I don’t want to jinx anything, but if they do win the cup it will give me another excuse to get a tattoo, as well as put into action some of the other great ideas I have to celebrate the moment.

/me knocks on wood.

Anyway. Once I calm down, wake up a bit and get some coffee in me, I will post again with yet another story. I just had to get the hockey excitement out of me.


Friday, May 26, 2006

Left Hand, Ring Finger

When I was in grade 10, a young 15 year old back in the day about 8 years ago, I lost a fingernail.

Classes were ending for the day and my best friend, at the time, was standing by my locker. She returned a magazine to me (I believe it was a rock magazine of some sort, Circus perhaps) but rather than handing the magazine to me, she quickly stashed it in my locker just as I had opened it and closed the locker just as quickly. Not knowing why the hell she did this I opened up my locker again only to have her close it again.

Me: What the hell? What did you do to my magazine?!
Her: NOTHING! Nothing at all…
Her: *the look of, “ohmygod, I am a deer caught in headlights”*

We then proceeded to push and pull on the locker door in a battle of strength. There I am prying my locker open with one hand pulling on the door, while my other hand is stationed at the base of the locker. My friend had a death grip with her palms pressed against the front of the locker pushing with all her might.

Before you knew it, with the strength of her pushing and the fact that she had her entire body pressed against the door, I had given up and went to remove my hands from my feeble attempt of holding open my locker.

Instead, I only managed to remove one hand, the right hand trying to open the locker door; my left hand was still partially leaning against the neighbouring locker with just my fingertips slightly over the crease that connects the locker door to, well, the rest of the locker.

The locker door slammed down hard on my ring finger on my left hand. A sound that I still cannot forgot.

I started yelling out obscenities as my friend stood there wide-eyed and in shock.

And I still remember the blackness of the blood that began to fill out beneath my nail. Starting from the cuticle and quickly making its way to the tip.

I cried. I screamed. I panicked.

My finger had begun to swell up twice its size and all that went through my mind was that I will NEVER be able to play guitar again. It was at this point that I feared that I would never be able to live out my Rock Star dream. (Please note that I was in a massive amount of pain, scared and in a MASSIVE amount of pain: I truly believed that if I lost my nail that the tip of my finger would flop around, hence why I would never be able to play guitar again. I completely blame the immense amount of pain that I was in for the simple fact that I did not stop to think that no! this is not the case! There is a BONE in your finger that will prevent it from “flopping” around!)

After my hysterical crying I went to the nurses’ office where they packed me up with ice and a band-aid, and sent me on my way.

The next day my nail started to push upward from my finger due to the tremendous amount of dried up blood that accumulated from the injury. Then “flop”. The tip of my ring finger went limp. It turns out that it was all a lie and that there really wasn’t a bone in my finger to keep it from limping on me.

HAH! Just kidding.

After the dried up blood pushed my nail off, my finger (still intact) was so horrid looking (seriously, there was no nail on my finger! of course it’s gonna look horrid!) that I had to put a band-aid on immediately. I never looked at my finger after that for a few weeks. Whenever the band-aid needed to be changed I got someone else to do it for me and I only started to peak underneath the band-aid when I knew that a new nail was growing in. Thankfully, you don’t feel a thing when a new nail is growing in from scratch.


Best Friend in grade 10: Somewhere in Calgary, maybe. She and AJ are no longer friends after a falling out in grade 12.

Locker: Still doing fine. I think. Hopefully being put to good use. Like storing school books. Or something.

Circus Rock Magazine: Collecting dust. Deep, deep in the bowels of a closet somewhere.

The Many Band-Aids used: Landfill? I don’t know… it seems fairly reasonable. Oh, unless it is covered in seagull feces. That too is reasonably possible…

AJ: Looking at her fingernails thinking, “When comparing my left ring-finger to my right ring-finger, the left ring-finger is actually shorter in length… damn the bitch that slammed my locker on my finger… I will forever be dubbed a freak.” She is still not living the Rock Star life.

Left Hand, Ring Finger: Livin’ it up as if it were 1999. Doing great and looking good. Still mackin’ male ring-fingers.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

Slowly Being Drained

I’m not feeling up to par today. I’m so exhausted and still sick as hell.

My dad called me at work today to see how things are going for me, whether or not I’m feeling better. I simply told him no. After telling my pops what symptoms I’m feeling he proceeds to tell me that it sounds more like a flu virus than a cold.

Great. < /sarcasm>

Part of the reason why I’m feeling so lousy, aside from the cold/flu/whichever, is that I am being completely drained by the NHL playoffs. I am not kidding when I say that it is extremely difficult and tiring being a hardcore fan.

Since April 21, I have watched every Oiler game religiously. By doing so, this has caused me to lose many hours of sleep. It is also exhausting when you’re not a superstitious person but suddenly you are. For myself, I am not a superstitious person. I believe in one superstition and that is “knocking on wood three times”. That’s as far as it goes for me. During the playoffs, though, and every year in the past that I can remember, I turn into a psychotic irrational freak. Each playoff and occasionally during the regular season, I find myself coming up with new superstitions.

So far this playoff run, this is what I have come up with:

1. For a few games, at the beginning of the playoffs, my sister and I noticed that the Oilers would always score a goal shortly after we spoke with each other on the phone. When the game was on and either one of us felt like ohmygod! the Oilers may get this damn puck in the net! we would call each other up and BAM! Just like that, they’d score. This superstition was short lived due to one particular game where we tried this trick and instead of the Oilers scoring, the opposing team would score.

2. Having my MSN left on during the game and having a specific nickname and specific picture display. On game day, I am henceforth known as ‘GO OILERS GO!’ and my display picture is the one of me in my favourite Oilers’ shirt. If this routine is not done, I fear for the worst.

3. Oh, and if I miss a game and they lose? I will fully hold myself responsible and beat myself senseless. If I watch a game and they lose? I will curse the Lucky Panties and stop wearing them.

4. Ah yes, the Lucky Panties. I had worn my Lucky Panties during the Anaheim and Calgary game and it was the game that the Flames lost and were officially out of the playoffs. However many days later, I happened to be wearing the same Panties during an Oiler game. It was at that point that the Edmonton Oilers started their winning streak. Since that point, I have worn my Lucky Panties for every game. This brings me to the exhausting portion of being a hardcore, superstitious freak. Because I am sooo not disgusting, I make sure the Lucky Panties are washed before each game. Since each game is every second day, this requires a hell of a lot of washing. I either find myself scrounging for laundry to do an entire load or I’m washing the Panties by hand.

5. After I get home from watching the game, I must then change my MSN nickname from ‘GO OILERS GO!’ to ‘Thank YOU, Lucky Panties!!!’ (with the exact number of exclamation marks). This here must be done because heaven forbid the Panties are not thanked and clearly appreciated.

6. Lastly, I firmly believe I have to have numerous beers during the game or else it’ll bring bad luck. And yes, I am totally serious about this one.

As I was finishing up the phone call with my dad, he told me to be sure that I get plenty of fluids to aid the “flu” and that NO, beer does NOT count as a fluid.

I’m almost certain he was shaking his head on the other line as I told him that it would be a curse if I failed to drink tonight.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Beyond Pointless

First and foremost? I continue to watch American Idol and…

Are you all sitting? Seriously. You’re going to want to sit down for this.

You’ve been warned.

Clay Aiken performed and was I in heaven. Clay Aiken would definitely fit into the category of My Dirty Little Secret file. Clay… is soooo dreamy. I have loved that man since he got his makeover when he was a contestant on the show. And you know what? I don’t care who knows! Yes! I dig Clay Aiken and (get this) I also got his album when it came out. Sure, this did get me banished into The Land of No Return within my group of friends, but damn, it was worth it. Oh Clay. *swoon*

Anyway, let’s move onward and hopefully I didn’t make myself out to be a total geek.

An apology in advance for any of today’s post being completely random and quite possibly incoherent.

Last night wasn’t exactly what I would call a good night. Yes, my team did win but if you had watched the game you would understand why I’m not as ecstatic about it as I should be. The rest of the evening also did not go too well. I have only one word to say regarding it: Fuck. And no, not Fuck in a good way.

Now, America, I’ve got an enquiry for you. Are Ipod listening rooms/lounges/etc. popular down there? I ask that question because the bar I was at last night had Tuesday Ipod Listening Night. Upon questioning, “What is this Ipod Listening Night you speak of?”

Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m still watching American Idol and goddamn, speak of the devil. If it isn’t Prince himself performing on stage.


Okay, focus. After asking the bartender, “What is this Ipod Listening Night you speak of?” he explained that all you have to do is bring in a playlist, on your Ipod, and they’ll play it in the bar for you with their large and in charge, fancy speakers for all to hear. He mentioned that in the States this was very popular and that it’s, “Happening all over.”

Is this true? I mean, being up in Canada and all (eh) I wouldn’t quite know.

As well, I am able to admit that I am an obsessive label peeler. And not just any label, but beer labels. I am completely UNABLE to drink a beer without having the labels all peeled off. And that’s not all. I have to place the labels PERFECTLY in an EXACT position facing me. Otherwise? I get all edgy. Maybe tomorrow, if I remember, I’ll bring my camera to show this. No, wait. Tomorrow, after the hockey game, I’m going to see an Iron Maiden cover band… not too sure if I want to bring my digital camera with me. Back to what I was saying. Even the bartender, last night, mentioned that he’s going to have to take the labels off before giving me the beer. It is just that obnoxious.

Sorry, mild interruption. YESSSSS. Taylor won American Idol. After Chris got kicked off? And Elliot? I knew that Taylor had to win. HAD.TO.WIN.

See? I warned you this would be all over the place!

OH! Slowly, but surely, I am getting the hang of this bass guitar playing; although, I admit, I still am finding myself trying to play it like a guitar. I did manage to learn to play Another One Bites the Dust by Queen! Shhh... Yes, I realize it's an easy one.

I just cleaned all three nose piercings.

This is probably the most pointless entry I have to date.

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Live Blogging


I am TOTALLY blogging this... LIVE!!!!!!!!!


I believe I may have creamed my panties.

My hands, they are shaking.


Okay, I've calmed down. CALMED DOWN.

So here I am, watching American Idol (I couldn't help it!) and lone behold Chris Daughtry comes on stage to perform with Live! And honestly? Anyone who knows me knows I am obsessively in loooooooove with Live (perhaps just Ed... but that's another story).

Alright, the performance is done and I couldn't be any happier. Now if you'll excuse me, before I write a real post, I must change my panties.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Prince

I could not resist.

As I was looking through MSN News I saw a headliner that read, “Prince Voted 'World's Sexiest Vegetarian'”.

Here I am, all, “OOoOOOooooOOoh, Prince William?!” as I wiped the drool from the side of my mouth.

I clicked on the link, and rather than finding Prince William, I find this instead.

Talk about bursting one’s bubble.

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Victoria Day Long Weekend

Well it’s back to work now that the glorious Victoria Day long weekend is over. Everyone here is off talking about how fabulous their weekend was. How was mine, you ask?


Honestly, that’s the best way to describe it.

For the last week or so I have been pumping my body with lots of vitamin C and fluids in hopes that I could ward off a cold that I could totally feel coming. You know: the sore throat with the occasional sneeze. I knew my immune system was going to possibly give in at some point, but REALLY, did it have to happen during the LONG WEEKEND that I had been waiting for since the LAST long weekend?!

So there I was, snotty, coughing, head a spinnin’, feverish chills and a throat so sore that I could have sworn that someone shoved sandpaper down my throat at night. Now you’d figure that I would have rested Friday night all the way till Monday evening… HAH! I scoff the idea. Rather than doing just that, I dragged my sorry ass out and continued to watch the hockey game Friday and Sunday night, including going out Saturday night for my friend’s birthday.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I ended up going home early on Saturday because MY GOD I thought I was going to die. Thankfully I had some smarts in me and rested all Sunday day, afternoon AND early evening… until I got back up and went out again to the pub for the hockey game.

My face, grimace, can.t.stop.

BUT. Fret not for I wised up and stayed home all Monday eating can after can of chicken soup, drinking fluids, attempting to OD on vitamin C, snacking on Advil and drinking Benelyn cough syrup straight from the bottle.

Today, I’m still feeling like poop, but I’m at least seeing an improvement. Here’s hoping that I don’t bring myself back down because heaven forbid I miss the hockey game tonight.

Truth be told, when this hockey season is over I am SO going to lock myself up in my place and not leave for a week. Okay, except maybe for work… and to possibly get groceries… oh can’t forget laundry… err… and maybe leave to see a few certain people…


Friday, May 19, 2006

My Awesome Technology Skills

AH HAH. Clever AJ, clever.

I’ve just been passed a co-worker’s Blackberry. She had forgotten it in her office so she had someone bring it over from the other building. Here I am, all, “What a contraption! So, uh, what am I expected to do with it?” Answer it if it rings, apparently.

My predicament? How in God’s name does one answer this Blackberry mechanism if it rings? I see no Talk Button.

Of course. It just rang. So I sat here at my desk, staring at it, hoping that I could use some special mind power to answer it. I failed. Thankfully I no longer have this Blackberry in my possession for the owner has claimed it.


Thursday, May 18, 2006

Party Like It's 1992

I am so damn exhausted. I mean, sure I have trouble sleeping and I have typically average about 3-5 hours of sleep per night for over the last two years, but this right now is ridiculous. My throat hurts, my head hurts and for the life of me I cannot keep my eyes open. Why has it been so bad lately? Well let’s see… NHL playoffs. I have been keeping up with every game and it is wearing me out. Which by the way?



Yeah, I know. My team rules and I have been blessed with Lucky Panties.

Next round: Oilers vs. Ducks

Looking at the stats for the regular season, the Oilers and Ducks played each other four times and each time the Oilers won. Here’s hoping they can do the same!

All I know is that I am going home and napping because this next round is going to be murder on my mind and soul.

Crud. The next game is tomorrow. UGH. I guess I’ll have to do the whole hand-washing of the Lucky Panties again, since I don’t have nearly enough laundry to do a load. This is how dedicated I am to the Panties… and the Oilers.

Edited to Add: Yes. I was extremely happy that my team won last night. In fact, so happy that I am not even kidding when I say that I was holding back tears of joy. As well, during the singing of the American anthem, my fellow Edmontonians did not boo; instead they cheered as loud as they could. Now that is doing me proud.


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Lucky Panties

Houston, we have a SERIOUS problem.

***Please note that I am sincerely sorry for all the hockey talk, but OH MY GOD, I should just have “Hockey is Life” tattooed on my forehead***

Tonight is game 6 between the Oilers and the Sharks. My gut is churning from all the insane thoughts and worries that I’m experiencing.

First off, the game is in Edmonton and I am hoping that my fellow Edmontonians do not act as STUPID as the San Jose-ers… or whatever they’d be called… during game 5. Yeah, you know what I’m referring to.

Secondly, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIGHER GODS OF ALL THAT IS GOOD PLEASE LET THE OILERS WIN THIS!!! and every single following game until they win the cup…. Really now, I’m not asking for much.

Thirdly, since the second round of playoffs and within the last couple weeks, I have done laundry so often that it’s to the point that my laundry loads are becoming increasingly smaller. Why you ask? Two words: Lucky Panties. Yes, that’s correct, Lucky Panties. Sometime over a year ago I went out shopping and found an extremely HOT pair of panties/Brazilian-cut/g-string/goth-corset styled type panties (what the fuck? I know; it doesn’t make sense). Well, every time I wear them I get lucky! Lucky as in, err, lucky? Good luck basically comes my way when I wear them. So for the last few Oiler games I have been wearing them and declaring, “Yes! I AM wearing the Lucky Panties! C’mon Lucky Panties, don’t fail me now!” And surprisingly enough they haven’t yet. BUT, I’m worried about tonight in fear that what if today is the day that the luck in my Lucky Panties runs out? WHAT IF?! Then what?! I may very well have to toss out ‘dem Panties. And if the Oilers lose tonight then ohmygod will I even survive till Friday for game 7? The game that decides the fate of it all?! UGH.

Lastly, my gut is churning because tonight I’m going to attempt to bring something up to a certain someone. Just the thought of it makes me go into an anxious freak attack – hmm sorta like now where I feel my insides are going to explode, that I’m going to pass out, that my throat is closing in on me and OH MY GOD I CANNOT BREATHE – I need a brisk walk.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the luck in my Panties has not run out and that all will go well tonight… and hopefully something good will come out of the conversation I hope to have, as long as I don’t chicken out again…

P.S. This here, Lucky Panties post, is post number 50. It’s an even number… half way to 100… should I be concerned with this? Would this be considered “lucky” or am I just doomed for the rest of the evening? OR maybe I’m looking into this too much? OR maybe I have completely lost my mind and need to be kicked really hard to knock some sense into me? I have a feeling it’s the latter.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Ma, Pa, I'ma Be a Rock Star

As a child growing up, you start to dream of what you want to be when you’re older. Some children will have their mind and hearts set on that one specific goal, while others, like me, will go through phases of what they want to be when they grow up.

I don’t recall the exact order of goals I had of what I wanted to be when I grew up but I do know that, for the rest of my life, I will be haunted by a single cassette that my mom had recorded of me when I was 3… 4… years old?

Mom: AJ, what do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: I want to help mommy wash the dishes!

Ugh. Dreadful. To this day my mom still brings it up and tells me what I smart child I was. Personally? I believe she forced me to say and record it; otherwise, she would ban me from eating. Okay, so maybe that isn’t true… but I still tell my mom that is what she did.

At one point I wanted to be Sherlock Holmes. Don’t ask why because I couldn’t even tell you. I guess I was a freak like that. It must have been the whole sense of mystery and adventure that I was attracted to. But believe me, you, if I ever own a basset hound I am so naming it Watson. In the end, this dream was short lived.

So I moved on to wanting to be a writer. Oh the wild and crazy ideas I had running through my young mind! Unfortunately for me that bubble was busted when my dad, I believe, told me that it’d be nearly impossible for me to achieve such a goal.

Next up, the artist. When I was younger I was a talented artist. I drew and painted like there was no tomorrow. Because of the talent, my parents and school teachers constantly entered me in local, provincial and country wide contests. I had high hopes that one day I’d be a famous artist like Salvador Dali or some other insane version. However, and yet again, that vision was shattered when I was told that artists only become famous after they pass away. Yeah… that wasn’t going to work out for me.

Soon enough I was 13 years old and realized my true calling in life. The life of a Rock Star! Oh yes… a Rock Star. Hardcore Punk Rock, to be exact. I was a rebel on the loose and there was no stopping me. After much begging, I had talked my dad into getting me a bass guitar and we were off to the local guitar store. When explaining to the sales person what I was looking for, he quickly turned away the idea of a bass and offered to show me a selection of guitars. Apparently learning to play bass would have been too difficult and that a 6-string guitar would have been easier. Now by the time I hit 13, I was a shy and meek person (not very hardcore, eh?), failed to stick to my guns regarding a bass and I ended up with an acoustic guitar. It was so not what I was looking for. I mean, if I’ll be playing a guitar, let it at least be an electric!

A year went by and I finally received an electric guitar (the exact one shown in the picture – sexy colour, I know.) as a Christmas present. I believe I may have peed myself from the excitement. I was gonna rock out like no other! Now, I admit, the guitar wasn’t quite the one I wanted, but who am I to complain? It was free! Being it was a Christmas present.

As for my dream guitar… I’m not even kidding when I say that just looking at a picture of it makes me tear up and choke. It’s beautiful… gorgeous and so damn SEXXY. It is, the Gibson Les Paul Standard. I have wanted one for YEARS, but they are so darn expensive. If I could throw at least $2,500 around, I would buy one in a heartbeat.

Now, fast forward 10 years later. I am not a Rock Star, although at times I will pretend to be. Career-wise, I am no where close to what I thought I’d be doing. I still daydream about the day I went to the local guitar store and got a 6-string as opposed to a 4-string. I do not regret playing guitar or owning one instead of a bass. I adore my guitars and would grab them in a second in case of a fire. BUT, I still have a part of me that would love to play bass and still wonders what it’d be like to own one.


As mentioned previously, I splurge on myself a couple of times a year. Well yesterday I made the decision to buy a bass guitar! OHMYGOD!! I couldn’t even explain to you folks right now how ecstatic I am. NO WORDS. No words to explain! I was seriously up till the wee hours playing it. I was so turned on by the sound. I also purchased an amp to go with it, ‘cause God only knows that if I played my bass on my guitar amp… BOOM. All in all, I am 100% pleased with my purchase and couldn’t be happier. Seriously. You cannot tell me that this Ibanez bass guitar doesn’t turn you on too.


Monday, May 15, 2006

Straight From the Devil

If you are easily offended or dislike a dirty potty mouth, stop reading here – otherwise, proceed.

As I’m sure any faithful readers will know, I am a hardcore Edmonton Oiler fan. I do not go bandwagon hopping when my team is failing and I am proud to admit that I cheer for the “Deadmonton” team. I wear the Oiler shirts proudly and will gladly get in anyone’s face when I am confronted for cheering for the opposing team. I do not bite nor do I pull hair – I use fists and feet… with the occasional crotch kick.

I admit, lately I’ve been consumed with the NHL playoffs. I’m finding it difficult to focus on anything else when the evening arrives. But seriously, it’s hard to focus on anything else when my team is kicking so much ass right now. True I may be jinxing things by being so all and mighty about them, but its okay, because regardless I will still believe they are the best.

Last night Edmonton played against the Sharks in San Jose. Because it was Mother’s Day, I watched the game with my family rather than at a pub. I am certain that my parents were glad to get me out of their house after the game, especially with my sister and me drinking the beer and being very annoying and belligerent.

Firstly, I’d like to mention that the Oilers won AGAIN. The series is now 3-2 Edmonton and the next game shall be a good one.

Secondly, I will begin my ranting and raving regarding the Shark fuckers who think that they can boo along to the Canadian anthem.

If you are reading this, and you are one of those Shark fags that booed along? Get the fuck out and stop reading here.

I currently and gathering up enough sarcasm for this, but I am soooooooo sorry that your team sucks dirty, stankin’ fish cunt that you feel the need to boo to the Canadian anthem. My apologies that this Oiler team from up north is kicking your San-fuckin’-Jose ass so badly that you need to make that pathetic sound from your ignorant mouth. Don’t you pricks even realize that your team has CANADIAN players? You idiots. Maybe we’ll take back some of the great Canadian hockey players you have and ship them back to Canada. Cheechoo, Thornton. Gorges, etc. – WE’LL GODDAMN TAKE THEM BACK. Then we’ll see what a fucking lousy team you’ll have left. HAH. No wait… IT’S ALREADY LOUSY. AAAHAHAHA.

Oh, and booing Pronger? Do you folks in San Jose really believe that booing him is going to put a hex on him? Because honestly? It doesn’t seem to be working. Don’t wear yourselves out and just put an end to it. May as well focus on something constructive, like cheering for your team… maybe it’ll help them win a game here and there.

In the meantime, while you learn to cheer for your damn team instead of booing the other team and until you can learn to open up your mouth for something useful rather than be an ignorant-fuck pissing all over the Canadian anthem, work your larynx by sucking on your choice of prostitute’s strap-on.

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Friday, May 12, 2006

Sometimes Ignorance Isn't Bliss

I will typically avoid talking/writing about certain topics for the very reason that it is extremely personal to me and over time I have perfected the art of “keeping it in”. This though, will be the exception because frequently enough I read articles like this one.

I wish, back 6-10 years ago, that they had publicly come out with this report. If I had known what the outcome was of taking this drug, along with a couple others, I would never have taken them in the first place. Back then, I never could understand why taking such a drug made me feel a certain way when it should be “helping” me. It was only until a few months later I was told that I should have been monitored.

After taking the drug for about a year, I realized that all they (the doctors, etc.) were doing was upping the dose and changing me from one drug to the other, or a strange combination of a few. Finally, I said fuck it and took myself off it all.

And you know what? I’ve done fine since then. Why? Cause I fucking rule like that. HAH. Sorry.

I admit, there are good days and bad days (or weeks, whichever) and sure I am not on anything for the anxiety (like hell I’ll go back on that drug shit).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely not against being on antidepressants. In fact, if it works for you? Rock on, go for it. I just happen to be one of those people that had the opposite affect.

All in all, I hope that doctors, psychiatrists, etc. give patients a fair warning of what may happen. Never in my life would I ever want anyone to feel/act/do what I felt/did when I was on that stuff.

Hmm, which reminds me, I gotta figure out what the hell I’m going to do for life insurance since these fuckers won’t insure me because of my past. Like hell, I’ve been a damn angel now for at least 4 or 5 years! GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK.

k, thnx.


Monday, May 08, 2006

What Was I Thinking?

This is bad… I need to do some serious refocusing because I’m starting to forget what’s important.

As I went about my daily routine this morning, I had just finished reading DILF’s post on Mason Jenning’s new video.

It then got me thinking… “HMMM,” I pondered, “wasn’t there supposed to be something that I was supposed to remember… or do… or buy…?”

That’s when it hit me.

GEEZUS!@#$%*& DUH. I mean, I had only been waiting for this moment, counting down the days, for only months upon months!

New Live album comes out tomorrow for us folks in the great north we call Canada.

This is a tradition that I have managed for the last 9 years: when the new Live album comes out, purchase it that same day; otherwise, feel the wrath of DOOM and DREAD.

It’s crazy, I know, but I I adore them tremendously and would go to the extreme just to see them or at least be able to touch Ed’s rod of… – er – Hi.

I’m thinking I need a cold shower.

Anyway. Tomorrow, I know what I’m doing the second I’m off work! Hopefully I will be able to contain myself till then…


Sunday, May 07, 2006

You've Been Warned

I fucking tell ya. There are some massive effin pricks out there and Jason happens to be one.

Here I am, Saturday afternoon, hoping to watch a movie that will lift my spirits.

So I go looking for The Big Lebowski. Hell yeah that movie rocks.

I look. I look some more. High and low. Low and high. Searching all around every nook and cranny.

What do I find?


That worthless sack of shit fucking took MY fucking Big Lebowski.

Honestly? I am fucking close to trashing the entire fucking place out of pure rage and anger.

Someone is going to get punched in the goddamn face tonight.

Oh, and yes, this is being posted on Sunday because that thing called Blogger decided that it didn't feel like publishing my post yesterday.

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Friday, May 05, 2006

Time Controls Us

Oh my effin… Am I seeing this correctly? The last time I updated was Monday? Geezus…

Things have been fairly hectic lately. I’ve been ploughing away with cleaning my place up, trashing all of Jason’s things that he has left behind and things he has given me. All in all, I threw out 4 large garbage bags full of crap. I managed to move things around so that the place doesn’t look as empty (e.g. moving my guitars and amp to where his desk used to be). Aside from cleaning, work also has been busy. The end of the month is what kills me… that and top it off with all the projects I haven’t been able to focus on, its been quite a mess.

Oh, and we can’t forget how much of my time is taken up by hockey!

Folks, I am so ecstatic to say that my team is moving on to the second round! Rock the fuck on, Edmonton Oilers. I have also managed to make a few new enemies (read: all the Calgary Flames fans at the pub). For those who are keeping up with the hockey games, Calgary LOST in game 7.


*insert massive maniacal laughter from Hell*

As mentioned before, I am probably the only person in Alberta that was NOT hoping for a Battle of Alberta. I’m not ashamed to admit that yes! I am still angry and bitter regarding the hockey season prior to the lockout. I’m completely and utterly outnumbered by Flame fans and I was the centre of mockery when my team did not get as far as that lame team they call the Flames.


Sunday, May 7, Game 1, Oilers vs. Sharks. I am so there in the blue.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Moving Along

So tomorrow will be week #3 since the Fuckhead took off and my God what has happened since?! Plenty, I tell ya, plenty. Now, I can’t fit everything into one post but in due time I can gauran-fuckin-tee that I’ll get to it all. Until then, here is the short list.

First off? Why the hell was I not informed that it’s already MAY?! For the love of all that is deep-fried… I am completely spaced by this. I’m freaking out a little because on the 3rd it would have been another month anniversary for Fucktard and me. I need ideas on what I can do to pleasantly occupy myself from blubbering in a corner crumpled into a ball. Need.ideas.

Remember how I mentioned I was a cheapskate? Well, I went on a shopping spree! Clothes, pretty panties, THE WORKS. Sadly, though, it only cheered me up for about a couple days; then the guilt set in and I felt like a loser for spending so much money. Gag.

teehee. Also? Remember my haircut story? teehee. I decided that I needed a change to maybe aid in my shift and went to get a haircut at a hairdresser! Now, you’re thinking, “Good on ya!” No, no… BAD ON ME. This story will top off any of my haircutting stories. That I promise you.

I’d also like to mention that I have consumed more beer in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last TWO YEARS. It’s to the point that my stomach is making funny gurgling noises. If translated correctly, I believe it’s saying, “HELP. She’s attacking the liver with the liquor! LET US OUT OF HERE.”

Now here’s the part that may or may not shock anyone. Yes! I, AJ, have done it again! As mentioned previously, I have always managed to land myself in a relationship almost immediately after a break-up. I haven’t decided yet if I totally rule or if I totally suck for this, but I pulled it off again. I’d like to make it clear, though, that it is NOT a serious relationship. Its only been two dates, plus the initial meeting, but so far things are looking well. I haven’t decided yet if this is what I want but regardless, I’m enjoying the company. Also, I’m fairly lost with this whole “dating-thing” because I don’t quite “date”. The last real date I had was maybe over three years ago.

Lastly, and possibly the one thing that has been the hardest for me, I have slept ON MY OWN (ie. with no friends around to comfort my dreadful soul) for about a week now. It’s not that I am unable to sleep on my own, but because I had grown accustomed to a Fuckface (oh, I’ve got plenty more Fuck-names) sleeping beside me. I still get the terrified tension the second I know I have to start to get ready for bed, but hell; at least I’m doing it on my own. I gotta have some credit for that. The credit that I don’t deserve, though, is the fact that I still need to have a drink before I sleep. Without it, I will constantly wake up in a panic and take forever just to doze off. Fret not, in time I will attempt to do it without the drink.

Oh wait… I just remembered one other item that I have got to mention. EDMONTON-FUCKING-OILERS! Tonight, Game 6, 3-2 Oiler series. If the Oilers nab this one, they will be moving on to the second round. The part that I’m not happy about? The fact that the arch-nemeses, Calgary Flames, is also playing tonight with a 3-2 series. Ugh, yes, I completely realize that I live in Calgary and that I’m cheering for the enemy in the Battle of Alberta, but I was born in raised in Edmonton and my God they are still my team. Keep on rockin’.

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