Friday, April 28, 2006

Pathetic Love – Part 5 – The Return of Jason #2 (aka J)

To start off the big finale, here is Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.

When Jason #2 suggested that we meet up I had to inquire why. Why in God’s name, after what you’ve done, should I see you? Supposedly he was interested in seeing how things were for me and all that crap.

We met up at a pub/restaurant and immediately my heart skipped a beat. Ever since we had broken up, I had never once stopped loving him or wanting to be with him. Now that I saw him face to face I knew I had a goal. Get him back.

To be honest, it wasn’t that difficult. After he and I talked for a few days we had come to the conclusion that yes, we would like to give it another try. From the get-go we laid out exactly what our expectations, hopes and goals were. No surprises this time.

Just like any fresh and new relationship, things were great. We laughed, smiled, sexed and all in all it was wonderful. Shortly after we started dating, again, I moved out of my parents’ house into my very first apartment. It was a small, one bedroom apartment but I loved it. Living on my own was a huge adjustment; I was fending for myself in a battle of my own wits. Thankfully for me, Jamie lived 3 floors above me and Jason stayed over frequently.

Now I’m sure you’re all just waiting for this and guaranteed you all expected it, but yes, the time came when Jason and I were arguing again. This time was different though… we really tried to make things work. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Who would have thought? So, we dug through the trenches and pulled through every single time.

This next part is my personal favourite… Months later, Jason had finally decided to make another commitment in the relationship and he and I were going to find an apartment together. That’s right folks – together.

And you know what? We found a wonderful apartment together and it was bliss. After years of Pathetic Loves I had found one that I wouldn’t let go of! I can’t even describe the happiness I felt. We were moving in a good direction and I couldn’t wait to find out what would happen next.

Over time, Jason and I had talked seriously about marriage. I’m all, “OHMYGODOHMYGOD.” The man who has had serious commitment issues was actually thinking of committing!

Then one day, at the beginning of April 2006, I suddenly noticed something wasn’t quite right… I felt as if something between Jason and I wasn’t the same anymore. It was as if his mind wasn’t fully there in the relationship and that it was off somewhere else. This exact feeling was the same I felt the first time around when I found out that he hadn’t been as honest/faithful as he should have been. I brought this up to him and he dismissed it as me being paranoid… okay, fair enough, I guess.

On April 7 I brought my worries to him again. The feeling and worry hadn’t left me and I felt it was appropriate to talk about. I mean, that is what you do in a relationship, right? Well, he blew up. Next thing you knew he was angry and brought up a crap load of things that weren’t even related to what we were talking about. At that point, we stopped talking to each other.

On April 10 we finally spoke and discussed how we both felt. I explained my feelings and he explained that we needed to work on our communication. After that, everything was fine between us, almost as if nothing had happened.

The next day, April 11, at 7:30 a.m., he drove me to the chiropractor as per usual. I finished at the chiropractor later than normal and when he suggested us getting breakfast, like we always did after the chiro, I told him that we wouldn’t have time and if he could take me straight to work.

Once we arrived at my work we did our usual good-bye routine. “Love you.” *hug* *kiss* “Love you too.” Because Jason had to work a night shift the evening before he told me that he was tired and that he was going to go home, take a nap and call me when he woke up. This was an average routine with nothing out of the ordinary. So, as I left the car we hugged and kissed again, and told each other ‘I love you.’

I continued on my day, at work, feeling great knowing that we were able to overcome another obstacle.

By 4:00 p.m. I noticed he hadn’t called me yet, which is rather odd because he usually would have woken up by 1:00 p.m. I decided to call home to see how he was doing and there was no answer. I called his cell phone and it was turned off… it is never turned off… Back and forth I continuously dialled the home phone number and his cell phone number. Still nothing.

The second 4:30 p.m. hit, I left work and quickly caught the train to head home.

I could feel myself getting anxious and prayed that I wouldn’t have another anxiety or panic attack. Repeatedly I told myself, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re getting freaked out over nothing.

As I’m writing this… I can tell you honestly that I’m trying to not cry and that my heart is racing a million miles per hour.

I reached the doorway and opened the door.

And all it took was one look.

To notice that things weren’t going to be the same.

His shoes were gone. The queen sized bed we shared was gone. The two end tables, the coffee table, his desk and computers, his clothes, his linen, his dishes, his television… it was all gone.

During the 7.5 hours that I was at work, he had managed to move all of his belongings out of the home we had made together.

All that he had left behind was a note… that he had left and was never coming back, to not even bother looking for him. No further explanation. And there I was, curled up in a ball in a corner of the room, crying my heart out.

Since April 11, he has changed his cell phone number. I have written emails in hopes for an answer and maybe some closure, but I have yet to see anything in my inbox from him.

Since April 11, I have written 5 parts to a Pathetic Love story in hopes that maybe it will work as the closure I need.

Since April 11, my anxiety attacks have increased to at least 6 times a day.

Since April 11, I have spent the majority of time sleeping over at friends’ because I cannot stand the thought of sleeping alone at what I used to call home.

Since April 11, I haven’t been able to fall asleep unless I take my prescription sleeping pills or have a beer before I go to bed.

Since April 11, I have been surrounded by friends that I know would never leave me like that.

Since April 11, I have cried more than I have in, possibly, my whole life.

I know it’s not the end of the world. With each day that passes I hope to become stronger and that soon enough this will pass. With the lease not up yet on the apartment, I will have to find a way to be able to cope with the emptiness that has been left behind.

Until then, I will continue to hope that maybe… just maybe… Part 5 of my Pathetic Love story will be the last time it’ll end in shit.

“…I'll pull myself together

I'll say that I'll forget her, I'll breathe
and I'll say she never hurt me
and look at it as learning
and laugh about the good and the bad
because I will live forever
we don't belong together
I know I'll be the better
one day I will make it through”
~ Silverstein

Edited to Add: By this point, on April 11, we had dated, again, for a year and 5 months. Grand total: 3 years and approximately 2 months.


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Important Service Announcement

We'd like to interrupt the regular scheduled programme for an important service announcement, aka “My Angry Letter to Heineken”.

My Dearest Heineken:

Now, you and I have been friends for nearly 6 years and during these 6 years I've grown to love you dearly. You have been there for me when no one else has and you've comforted me in a way no one else could. But last night, Heine, you crossed the line.

Heineken, I TOLD you last night that I had to work the next morning. I completely realize that you were involved in the night's activities for a good reason, which is fine by me, but you failed to tell me that I had one too many.

Firstly, don't hand me that crap that I didn't tell you I had to work in the morning. Seriously. I must have said it at least 6 times throughout the night "Nooo! I can't get drunk! I've got to be all responsible and stuff, and get to work sober!", so you damn well knew about it. So what the hell is stuck up your ass? I thought we had an understanding: I drink you; you tell me when I'm buzzing; I stop drinking you before I am drunk. Last night though? NOTHING LIKE THAT. You see? You made me use the Caps Lock. Heine, when I left the pub I felt sooo fine. Not even buzzed. But the second I walked through my doorway at home? BAM! You struck me like a freight train. Honestly, it hurt.

Secondly, before I leave the pub, you're supposed to give my bladder a head's up that it's full and it needs to be released. Because you failed to do so and I couldn't hold it in any longer (well, that and there wasn't a single place opened at that time), I had to mark my territory in another area of Calgary. Downtown. In an alley. Between two dumpsters. Only to realize there was someone on their balcony beside the way. I can't even muster up enough sarcasm to tell you how classy I felt.

In conclusion, I am very angry with you right now. I'm just not feeling up to par because of your behaviour last night. I will forgive you in due time... possibly this Friday. Wanna hook up then?

Yours truly,

(aka "My head hurts, my gut hurts and I can't tell if I have to pee or not")


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Pathetic Love – Chad – Part 4

And again, here is Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

After Jason had ended the relationship I had a fairly negative outlook on that thing you call love, but I wasn’t about ready to give up on it.

A couple of weeks later I had met a guy named Chad. He was incredibly fun to be around and he definitely brought out the fun, adventurous side of me that I never knew I had. He then had asked me out and I went for it.

We had so much fun together, from almost getting run over by a guy in a wheelchair to finding billboard signs and stealing letters from them. We were very happy together.

Shortly after we started dating he got accepted to a school in another city. I was fairly upset with this because I didn’t know what to do in a long distance relationship. So when the time came for him to go we promised each other that we would always call, correspond through MSN messenger and make trips to visit each other.

This was working out well but his stay over in the other city wasn’t very long. He ended back in Calgary and continued to try to get into a school here.

Then on New Year’s Eve, something happened that to this day I still don’t know what it is. Things were different between us and we weren’t as happy as we once were.

As time went on, things were becoming more difficult.

Then it went from good, to difficult, to worse. I had found out that he had been cheating on me since day one. Literally. Pretty sad, I know. I must have cried for days and weeks. At that point I didn’t know what to think or do. In fact, just writing this out brings back horrid memories of a time that I would rather forget.

I was in love again and betrayed again.

We had tried for a few months to make things work: trying to talk things out ourselves and even seeing a relationship counselor. For some reason, he couldn’t stop lying to me… it didn’t matter what the lie was – it would start off small and then he managed to turn it into something so huge that you couldn’t even believe what he was saying.

Things ended badly between us and I was left confused, angry and sad – again.

Sometime during the last couple of weeks that Chad and I were together I received an email from Jason #2 (aka J). Shocking I know!! You’re all probably choking as you’re reading this. I figured, what’s the harm in meeting up with him? There were no hidden agenda’s… it was just to meet up for the first time in a year and six months and see how each other was doing.

…Yeah… I totally went for it… We met up and that meeting will lead up to the final episode of Pathetic Love Part 5 – The Return of Jason #2 (aka J).


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Pathetic Love – Jason #2 (aka J) – Part 3

To read up on Part 1 and 2, please click here and here.

While Steve and I remained to be friends, I had my sights set on Jason #2 (aka J).

There was no way anyone couldn’t notice him. This man was 6’11”. No… I am serious, you read that correctly.

He and I met at a keg party and I admit, when I first met him I wondered to myself, “Hmm… large hands… large feet… super tall… the rest of him *ahem* must be quite in proportion too!” I found out the next day, from Jason himself that he really liked me. Naturally, this got me all excited.

Time went on and there was a party he and I were attending. Jason and I got extremely drunk and it was at this party he told me he loved me. You may be thinking… “Wait a second… how long have you two known each other to have him tell you that he loves you?!” The answer to that: maybe a month in total (most of that time was either when Steve and I were dating or ending the relationship). I found out later in our relationship that he only told me that he loved me because he wanted to have sex with me. Well it worked.

When we started dating, everything was wonderful. After about a couple months things started to turn to shit. We were arguing all the time about the stupidest things and it was non-stop. Finally, he had decided to call a break.

“Oh, it’ll only be about a week…” He said.

It wasn’t a week. So I said fuck it and enjoyed the company of a friend of mine.

Finally Jason wanted to get back together and so we did. When I look back on this, I really should have said screw you and good-bye, but I didn’t.

More time went by and we were back where we started… arguing about nothing.

And again, another “break” occurred. This time I wasn’t going to waste my time waiting around.

I had met Simon and what a guy I tell you! He was French and charming. All the ladies loved him and I was the lucky gal he wanted. Now for my dirty little secret… my biggest reason for dating him was because he looked like Justin Timberlake minus the curly hair…

I’m sorry, but I do have a strong love for Justin Timberlake! Ack. It’s bad, I know.

Simon and I had officially dated for approximately two weeks when Jason was ready to commit to the relationship again. By this time, things were already going stagnant between Simon and me so we had ended things on good terms.

I know what you’re all thinking, “What the g’damn fuck is wrong with you woman?? Can’t you see what you’re getting yourself into?!” Don’t worry, I did see it, but I still went for it. Jason was the one guy I truly loved and even through the arguing, he still made me the happiest I could ever be.

Jason and I started to date again.

And guess what! You’re right! It was back to how it was with all the arguing. Before you know it, Jason was being dishonest in the relationship and caused it all to go to hell.

After about a year and eight months of being together, he finally ended the relationship for good and there I was heartbroken and feeling rather stupid.

But my feeling of stupidity didn’t last too long. Up next the devil himself, a story of a male named Chad which will prove to be my Pathetic Love Part 4.


Monday, April 24, 2006


Guess what? I think I’m ready to go! I’m thinking that later today or tomorrow I will be continuing with my Pathetic Love stories.

A lot (and at the same time not a lot) has happened and I tell ya, I’ve got stories ready to come out my ass like diarrhea! HAH! Please note that I do apologize for that poor analogy.

Honestly, these last couple of weeks would have been really difficult to get by, but I am damn lucky that I’ve got the best friends around (although I’m sure everyone would say that they have the best friends around).

Okay, it’s not just the best friends that helped me to get by… it’s also the going out to party it up as if it were 1999 that helped too. C’mon you can’t tell me that between 10 people, 105+ shots and all the beer you can handle isn’t going to help!

(Side Note: Yes. It was painful waking up the next morning)


Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Well, I’m proud of myself. I managed to last almost a week without breaking down, but I guess last night was the last straw for my emotions. I’d been doing so well trying to forget things and trying to think of the things that make me smile. It must be the complete lack of sleep, my poor appetite and the constant reminders that brought me down; in fact, I know it’s all those things. Right now, I need to try -again- to recollect myself. Until then, until I continue with my idea of venting and letting it all out, here are Parts 1 and 2.

Thanks for the support, y’all. (Please note, honestly, that’ll be the last time I use “y’all” – ugh.)

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Pathetic Love - Steve - Part 2

To read Part 1, click here.

With Jason (#1) out of the way, I was ready to make room for Steve. Not too sure if I could describe him any other way. He and I started off as friends when I was 17 years old and he was 20. I remember the exact moment we first met, what was said and where we went. He made my heart melt. He was incredibly charming and intelligent to boot. At this point he and his friends owned their own successful business and were later published in a well known Canadian Business magazine (heehee… I still look and read the article occasionally).

His 21st birthday had come and gone and next up was my birthday… the big one-eight. I had invited Steve out with my friends and I to celebrate and it was that night (I admit, we rushing to get away from everyone) we hooked up. If you know what I mean. *wink wink* * nudge nudge*

Being with Steve was probably the most fun I had with anyone. He had friends who were DJ’s, which meant there were constant parties (and where there is one hot guy more are sure to follow).

He wasn’t particularly romantic (like getting me chocolates only to realize, gee! she's allergic to chocolate), but he had his own way of showing me how he cared.

There was one time I recall calling him while he was working. I mentioned, casually, that I was hunting down this good looking guy I saw. He’s all, “Hm. Oh yeah.” I’m all, “mmHmmm.” I then asked him to come down and meet me. The second I saw him walking towards me, I took out a piece of paper that had my phone number on it, slipped it in his pocket, whispered for him to call me and walked away. Later on, after he was off work, he calls me to tell me that some girl tried to pick him up. Then he proceeds to go on and on about her. “Oh, she was hot! I think I may try to get with her.”

Steve was also the first person to try and stop my pyromaniac addition. Well, he didn’t really try to stop me… but he’d take all lighters, matches, flammable products with him into the bathroom whenever he’d shower. Apparently he didn’t want to get out of the shower to find his place in flames with me in the middle with a satanic grin on my face…

Things between us were fun. Not great, not wonderful, but fun. At some point in our relationship, something went horribly wrong. I won’t say, but basically it changed the way we were with each other. There was sadness, anger, distrust and a whole lot of regret. We did manage stay together for a few months after all these emotions were brought in, but I always felt saddened knowing that in the end it wasn’t going to work out. To this day, he and I still look back and wonder what things would be like if certain events didn’t take place…

I am currently 23 years old and Steve is 26 years old. He still remains to be the only ex-boyfriend I see and talk to. Regardless of what happened between us, we are still there for each other when times are rough or when things are good. I will forever love him dearly.

The memories of late night to early morning parties, $2 doubles on Tuesdays, late night calls to the police because of psychos’ chasing us, bonfires with explosions and beer, his jealousy if another male looked at me, and the way he made me melt when he looked into my eyes will always be there in my fond memories of when we were together.

As things were coming to a close between Steve and I, I had become friends with a guy named Jason (#2 aka J). This would be the beginning of the end for me. Up next, Jason (#2 aka J) Part 3.


Monday, April 17, 2006

Pathetic Love - Jason #1 - Part 1

One of the reasons, that I’ve stated before, of wanting this site was to be able to look back one day, read my posts and never forgot some of the experiences and emotions that I’ve been through.

Where do I begin with this story…

First, here’s some information about me that the Internet does not know:

I love romance. Love isn’t even strong enough to describe it… I am also slightly embarrassed to say that in the past 7 years I haven’t been single longer than 3 (or is it 4) weeks. And no… that’s not in-between dating each male… that’s in total over 7 years… I am a very independent person, but I am unsure whether my relationship with males is me being dependable. To be honest with you all, I believe it’s because I adore the romantic company, being in love and being loved back… but shhh – I won’t lie – sex plays a part too.

Let’s begin…

My first encounter with love and a long-term relationship begun when I was in the twelfth grade with a guy named Jason (#1). A couple of my friends met some other guys and thought that I should meet their friend Jason. The first time we met there were no sparks, or at least not for me. One night I get a phone call from Jason mentioning that he and his friends were in the neighbourhood and were driving around trying to find my place. They’d honk the car horn and it would ring throughout the streets.

“OHMGOD. You guys are honking your horns at this time of night?!” I said.

Jason replied, “Yeah we are! Just let us know if it gets louder. That way we can make our way through and find your place.”

Well they found me after about 10 minutes of constant honking and (I’m sure) many angry neighbours.

We stood around my backyard for a bit and chatted the usual ‘how’s it going?’ Next thing you know, my mom was flashing the switch to the backyard light and that could only mean, “AJ! Who are those strange boys standing there?!” Fifteen minutes later he and his friends left.

The next day my friend tells me that Jason wants to ask me out. So sure, why not? The next thing you know we were inseparable. There was never an end to the make-out sessions or the sex. It truly was bliss.

Shortly before graduation, I noticed things changing between us. He was becoming more obnoxious and he was apparently going no where in life. He had been kicked out of school, kicked out of home, begun to love his car more than me and had no goals set for the future.

Graduation came and went. I had invited Jason to be my date for grad (um hi – my boyfriend), but he turned it down.

Him: Oh, well, I don’t like the people at your high school. They are a few pricks there that I played hockey with.

Pfft. Like I give a flying-fuck.

He told me that he’d be there for the after-grad, but when 12:00 a.m. struck and he hadn’t shown up yet I knew that I should stop holding my breath. Thinking back on it, he never did give me a reason of why he never showed up…

Days went by and I was becoming more irritated and unhappy; he seemed to be having a blast trying to see how far he could go in terms of annoying me. He had moved from place to place, unable to hold down a job without a proper education and spent what money he had on his car that kept breaking down.

At this point I was set it ending the relationship with Jason. We have had conversations about trying to make things work, but in the end it never did work. He would constantly beg for another two weeks to try to get things back to the way they were, but it.was.not.working! Then he’d ask for another two weeks… then another… by this point I said, “FUCK OFF, TAKE A HINT!”

Soon enough, I discovered the world of “older men”. I was still 17 years old at the time so I wasn’t about to jump into anything that could get someone in trouble… but I tell ya… I had my eyes set on someone… well, two someone’s.

First there was SP. He must have been 20 or 21 years old at the time and I tell ya, every girl loved him… absolutely gorgeous and absolutely not looking for anything serious. He ended up having a child at 18 years old (I believe) with girlfriend at the time. At some point during the pregnancy, they had ended their relationship and continued to make plans on how to bring up the child without having him neglected as the father. For the rest of my life, I will always remember him as the young, single dad that I made out with in various parking lots and recreation parks. SP was there for fun, but then there was Steve - a man who at 20 years old knew what he wanted and how to get it.

Jason (#1) ended up as a past nightmare, err, I mean, memory and up next Steve Part 2.


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Until Next Time...

Tuesday, late afternoon, may have been the hardest point in my life in a long time. I can’t say just yet… I’m still trying to comprehend and let it all sink it. In the end, I hope I’ll be okay. Since then, it has been very difficult. I’ve lost all appetite and sleep is worse than what it was. Concentration is none. And just when you think that you’re all out of tears, it comes back, creeping up on you, like it never left. I’m trying to be strong. I’m keeping my friends close by. It’s times like these that I know who will be there for life.

Right now I am focusing on moving on and figuring out how I’m going to get there. I will try my best to not fall back on my most despised resort. Soon, I can only hope, that I will have two simple, but incredible words when put together, tattooed on my wrists. With these two words, one word on each wrist facing me, I hope that I can be reminded that when things seem overwhelming and that it feels like there is no escape or hope that I need to Stay Strong and not give in.

Stay Strong

in the most beautiful, cursive writing.

Until I can figure things out and try to get by without crumpling into a sobbing puddle, I will not be able to focus on anything else (aside from work, which has been very difficult just to get through the day). I hope that sooner than later I will be back to write of my stories that bring back such wonderful memories and that I’ll be able to share my tales of stupidity, excitement and if I can muster up enough strength… maybe even my tale of loss.

I’ll be around. You, the Internets, help me to take my mind off things. Whether it’d be for a minute or 10 minutes, your stories help. So don’t stop writing because I’ll be here reading.

Until I return…

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Gifts and Bags of Surprises

Oh, gasp. What’s the date?! Crap, I almost forgot to breathe. Two of my best friends’ birthdays are coming up reaaaaally soon. There is Derek’s birthday on the 13th of April and Jamie’s on the 20th. So far, I have zero ideas of what to get Derek and I need to come up with something fast. Pronto. Immediately. NOW. Last year I had no problem finding him something. Seeing as how he is addicted to The Simpson’s, I got him a Simpson’s shot glass set.

(yikes. The more I say/write Simpson’s, the stranger it sounds/looks.)

Now, for Jamie’s birthday present, that ought to be a piece of cake. He and I have already discussed ideas of what I could get him. Currently, I’m leaning towards my idea of crapping in a paper bag, putting air fresheners in the bag (to, you know, cover the smell of roses) and then handing the present to him. In all honesty, I believe he body checked me onto the floor and said something along the lines of, “fuck you hippy.”

Yes, I know, we are seriously weird that way.

With Derek’s birthday coming up within the next couple of days, I was looking through some photos I took last year during his big night out.

Derek, he's all, "Yeah, look at me, still rockin' it out. Bring me the beer."

Jarret and Derek

After a good night of great beer drinking, we all managed to walk out without vomitting all over. Let's hope that we can do the same this year.

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Pointless Ramblings of a Monday Morning

I am positive that I’m not the only one who HATES Mondays, but seriously, I HATE MONDAYS.

Every Monday it’s the same thing, over and over again.

Step One: Moan and groan like you haven’t slept in years and all you can think about is kicking anyone in the shin that tries to cross your path.

Step Two: Drag your sorry ass to get into gear and begin the day by flopping down on whatever your bum sits on (hopefully a chair of some sort).

Step Three: Whether it’s work, home or school: Open Outlook. Click the Snooze button on all of your tasks to delay the reminder of “Hey! Hi! This is your work for the day. Get me done NOW!” You know the routine – it’s like the alarm clock in the morning.

Snooze. *10 minutes later* Snooze. *15 minutes later* Snooze. Crap. Overslept again.

Step Four: Take a hell of a long time to type anything because suddenly the a’s are turning into o’s and the space bar is the shift bar.

Step Five: Notice that your head is pounding and that coffee hasn’t been mysteriously appeared in front of you.

Okay, so maybe that fucked up routine applies only to me – who knows.

I’ll tell you what I do know… my head is killing me. Horrible, horrible crushing-pounding feeling. Advil doesn’t seem to be helping and I’m thinking that either my eyeglasses need an adjustment or that I’m going through caffeine withdrawal. Even with that, I don’t know what a caffeine withdrawal is like. For all I know, my brain is expanding to outstanding limits that it’s pressing against my skull until one day I wake up and OHMYGOD MY BRAIN HAS SQUEEZED THROUGH EVERY HOLE IN MY HEAD AND NOW I’M BRAINLESS.

eek. I may have frightened myself…

Let’s just hope that a pot of coffee will ease the pain.


Friday, April 07, 2006

Things I'm Learning/Realizing:

Thong lines are worse than panty lines. The reasoning behind this: Think about it for a second. You see someone (preferably a female) walking down the street wearing a nice pair of pants and lone behold you see The Thong Line. For myself, I’m thinking SKANK. teehee. You just know she’s slutting it up (not necessarily a bad thing). My piece of advice? Don’t do what I once did (read: wear slender pants with a thong and try to conceal The Thong Line by strategically placing the rear along various, large objects). I suggest wearing regular panties (not granny), purchasing a nice selection of g-strings, or going commando if you’re into that scene.

You know Kip in Napoleon Dynamite? Aaron Ruell? Hot. My God. From Kip – ew – to Aaron – YUM. Why was I not informed of his real life hotness? I think I may have creamed my panties… Is all this so wrong of me?

I can't get enough of those two photos of Aaron... the two of Kip can go...

The longer I look at a faux-hawk the more I wonder whether or not this person was being chased by an oversized squishing machine. While being chased, by this oversized squishing machine, said person was too quick on his or her feet and the only thing the machine got (squish) was their hair. Hence, the faux-hawk. It could be possible…



Said Person: AAARAaaarrghhh!

Said Person: *pats head*

Said Person: Phew. Escaped in time and all the machine got was my hair. *checks self in mirror*

Said Person: OH! Look at my hair! It’s like, a mohawk, only not! It shall be dubbed The Faux-Hawk! Cause, like, I’m cool like that.

Ahem. Right.

/me currently rolling her eyes counter-clockwise.


Thursday, April 06, 2006

Picking up the Pieces

What the hell is with this whole Picking up the Pieces? Easy answer with a kinda-but-not-really long background.

Years and years ago, I had a nickname that a boyfriend, at the time, gave me. It stuck like glue and even to this day I use it as the heading on my cell phone or sometimes I use it for user IDs. Nearly everyone I know (with the exception of family and co-workers), knows me by the nickname. It is appealing, intriguing and downright dirty. I would have used that nickname for this site, but here’s the thing… I do not want any of J’s friends finding the site. I have no problems with any ex-boyfriends finding this site and so forth, but honestly… J’s friends… we won’t even get into that topic. So I moved from one online home to another but it always seemed like I had to censor myself because unwanted reading eyes were following me. It also would explain why I no longer use real names in my posts, but rather, I use abbreviations or use a name that is similar. I hated having to censor what I was really feeling and thinking… fuck that, eh? What would be the point.

I could have easily said screw it and not bother creating another online site, but I thoroughly enjoy reading the stories that I come across, as well as I do enjoy sharing mine. The best reason that I have for writing these stories is not only for entertainment purposes, but because I take pleasure in looking back at the things that I have done, thought or seen. All of these tales remind of accomplishments or mistakes that I hope I can learn from, not to mention all the endearing memories I have of certain people throughout my life. Never in a million years would I ever want to forget the following: cutting my own hair… twice; the numerous dumpsters/alleys/etc. around Calgary that have been marked with the signature AJ Urine Territory (I’m classy, I know – I was drunk); my friendships with Jamie, Cammy, Char, Derek, Whitey, etc.; and my absolute favourite… the list of boyfriends I’ve been with.

For me, it’s all about picking up the pieces of my past, learning from them and taking these memories with me without falling flat on my face into a pile of shit and becoming a dumbass who repeats her mistakes (except for the AJ Urine Territory thing because if you were as drunk as I were, all those times, with no toilet in sight but a rolling hill covered in trees and only Jamie as your look out, you would have done the same).


Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Expensive Footwear Venture

I’m excited. I have few ideas of what I’d like for my next Expensive Footwear Venture.

Because I’m such a cheap bastard, I limit my splurging -anywhere from approximately $100-$500- to no more than twice a year (give or take). Otherwise, you will not catch me in a store “for the hell of it.” I will not spend over $10 for a tank-top; no more than $20 for a t-shirt; and absolutely no more than $40 for pants, and even that is a lot of money for me. And yes! It is possible to find awesome clothes at those prices. Someone has got to tell my sister that $100 for a sweater is so not cool.

The last Expensive Footwear Venture brought me boots, so this time around I’m thinking of going with something different. Right now the race is between: the vinyl with the black lace (I heart vinyl); the same version with no vinyl but with red lace (love the red lace); another vinyl design (so damn cute); a vinyl design with hearts (I heart the hearts but I can picture myself falling in stilettos); these flats which I know they have at the store but aren’t pictured (I love the pink bow); and…. Oh fuck it. Who am I kidding. I want them all and SO.MUCH.MORE.

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Wicked Woman

You know – funny thing – I totally forgot that in order to get to the season we call summer, we have to go through a thing called spring. Dark, dreary, wet spring. Here I am, all “YAY! Winter is over! Neener neener, winter you’re a wiener!” Next thing you know, Mother Nature is slapping me across the face with her wet hand reminding me that the best is still yet to come.

GEE, what was I thinking?!


Monday, April 03, 2006

Like No Other

I have an enjoyable group of friends that I love dearly, but one in particular stands out above the rest. That friend would be Jamie.

On Saturday, he and I hung out and as always it was a blast (I seriously think it's impossible for us to have a boring time together). We have always managed to make the best out of every situation. We've been drunk downtown and rampaged through the streets; he's dealt with having me pass out drunk on his bathroom floor for three hours while he waited outside holding his piss; we've passed five hours of time just playing guitar and singing. He can get me to do nearly anything by telling me that I'm his best friend and that he’ll loooove me forever (like a damn road trip to his old shit-town in pouring rain listening to some rockin' CCR all the way there and back).

What a friend. Here I am passed out and all he can do is photograph me. (Click the photo for a great description of what happened)

He's the only person I know of that I can be my typical, bitchy self without worrying what the other person may think. I certainly can't tell anyone else that they are pissing the fuck out of me and I want to push them off the edge, and he's the only person that can punch a pillow and tell me that he was imagining the pillow was my face.

Back in the day, when I lived on my own, Jamie and I lived in the same apartment building. There is nothing more fun than having your best friend a few floors above you (not to mention all the skateboarding we got done at 11 p.m. at night and the three liquor stores all within walking distance).

The best was making pasta from scratch... which only took us over an hour to figure out.

I have known Jamie for six years and during that time we have survived all the ups and downs that a messed up guy-girl friendship would have. He has learned ALL of my deepest and darkest secrets. We’ve managed to talk to each other about everything – even our first relationships and going through puberty.

When I was going through a rough time with breast infection/cyst, he was there to cheer me up and tell me that I looked HOT with one massive boob (okay, he, too, laughed a little at my situation). When we were going through tough relationship break-ups, we've supported each other and told each other that the ex-significant other was a twat. When either one of us needed a date for a wedding or a party situation, we'd go along and pretend like we were an item. Hell, we even have a marriage pact.

Some guy holding a beer up to Jamie's ass.

Yeah. These are the kind of pictures I take after a bit of drinking... Keep in mind, this picture was taking years ago.

One of my biggest fears is that Jamie won't be around forever. In the last couple of years, he has been travelling to Vietnam and now he's thinking about leaving again for a much MUCH longer time. Every time that he has left, I tried to get him to stay by telling him that he'd be leaving illegally (because, you know, he didn't sign the Official Papers of Leaveance - shhh... I know it's something I made-up in my mind). I must figure out another excuse for him to stay behind (goddamn he's too smart - he figured out my Official Papers of Leaveance is fake!)... otherwise who else would tell me to "fuck off"?

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

A Better Day

I know I said that I'd do the whole mass blog thing today, being as it is the Official "Blog Everything" Day, but I don't believe you all understand my situation.

I am currently getting ready to go out today. Jamie and I are heading to the grocery store, cooking ourselves a kick-ass breakfast and then we're going..... SKATEBOARDING.

YES! He and I are packing our boards and heading out onto the streets of Calgary. This will be my first outting since last fall when the weather started to turning its ugly head toward winter.

Seriously. I am too excited.



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