Friday, June 30, 2006

Counting Down

Side Note: I’d just like to point out that I am slightly saner with the high consumption of coffee in my system.

For me, around the end of June to mid-August is typically hectic in regards to dates I have to remember/count down to. This year is no exception.

On June 27, it was my sister’s birthday. Now I continue to count down the remaining important dates that are up and coming.

6 days till Stephen’s birthday.

7 days till the chaos begins at work.

20 days till my friend returns from Europe after being there three months for her practicum. Damn that lucky bitch.

20 days till I miss the Warped Tour. Again.

30-40 days (approximately) till Jamie leaves me for a foreign country, for 6 months, because he is an asshole.

40 days till my mom’s birthday.

44 days till my dad’s birthday.

And last, but not least, and quite obviously out of the date order sequence,

42 days till I get alcohol poisoning, also referred to as my birthday.


It's Safer If You Stop Reading Here

Absent. Or something. That’s what I am: absent. Or, (insert really long pause)

I can’t even finish that thought or sentence or whatever you want to consider it.

That is how tired I am.

In exactly a week, the organization I work with will be hosting our largest event. This event comes around every year and is known world wide. And have ONE DAY, I SET YOU DAMN OUTLOOK REMINDER FOR ONE DAY, NOT ONE HOUR, BEGONE BEAST. Geezus. As I was saying, have I mentioned how tired I am?

One week to get every thing set up and organized. One week to ensure that, aside from my regular work type stuff, that the committee I assist is good to go for the parade. And I’m sleepy. And maybe because I only got four hours of sleep last night. And the night before. And before. And before. And rinse, wash, repeat.

Yes, I know. Shut up. Stop complaining. Wah, wah. JUST GET SOME DAMN SLEEP ALREADY, WOMAN.

This is where I start whimpering. Yes, I do have a trademark whimper. No, seriously, I do. It’s rather cute, so I’ve been told. But then again I’ve also been told that it’s cute and HOT when I get angry. Maybe that’s why my friends purposely try to get me angry. Little do they realize I BITE! HAHAHAHAHAHAOAH0H0AHA0.



Wait, I need to scroll back up to see what I was writing about.

Haha, oh yeah.

So, yes I know, just get some sleep already. But I try! I really do try! In fact, I even have a cute bottle of prescription sleeping pills that look like orange squishy Tic-Tacs. So what is my problem? And more so, why am I still never getting any sleep?

Simple answer to such a complex question! Or… is it simple question and such a complex answer… I have no clue.

I try to avoid taking these orange squishy Tic-Tack-like magical pills because I am fearful of forming an addition to them. C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Do I really want to be writing from a rehab centre as a pill-poppin’ sleep sedative addict? No. Not really. May be amusing, but no. And yes, it is something I’m worried about and would rather not risk.

So instead, I opt for ridiculous NONSENSE because I cannot for the life of me form a thought or sentence that makes sense. Or keep my eyes open.

BUT! AH-HAH! A BUT! It is the Canada Day long weekend! Which means lots of rest and relaxation before the MADNESS begins. And fireworks! Oooh, this makes me want to write about my pyro days! As a wannabe pyro! And how I couldn’t be left alone with anything that could start a fire! And how I accidentally almost lit a male’s crotch on fire! Oh and how I almost accidentally lit a boyfriend’s room on fire! And my high school Light-A-Fest fiesta! With the Doors coming to light my firrrrrre! And how after this I’m going to be thoroughly disgusted with exclamation marks!

And how I better quit now while I’m ahead. Period.

Oh and by the way, get this. From what I've been told, how I write and express myself (whatever you want to call it?) is exactly how I am in real life. I don't do the whole, OH let me write something and go off into whateverthehellitis and really it's a disguise. No. Nothing like that. So you all should be grateful that you're not around in Cowtown to witness the insanity that is Me right now. I'm seriously considering hiding at home today from the outside world.


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Note to Self: Re: Sweet N' Low

Note to Self: Do NOT use Sweet N’ Low in your coffee anymore. Do NOT be tempted by the ‘low calorie’ sugar. It does not taste good. Possibly, next time, attempt one packet rather than two. The package did not lie when it said that one packet of Sweet N’ Low equals two packets of regular sugar. OH GROSS. Stop trying to drink it! STOP TRYING TO DRINK THE COFFEE GET A NEW ONE. Lesson learned.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Maybe I Don't Want to Remember

Occasionally I’ll read through my archives to remember some of the things I’ve done/felt in the past. I like holding on to memories, hence why I usually write of the weirdest stories sometimes. Last night, lounging around with a few friends, I recalled two things that have happened in the past that I hope I will never forget because they are so darn funny.

One of the reasons why I watch hockey rather than playing is because I would sit in the penalty box more than I would be on the ice. When I was in grade 7, I was kicked out (not literally kicked) of gym class during floor hockey. There was this one girl in my class, that no one could tolerate, who said to me that I wouldn’t have the guts to physically hurt someone during a game of hockey. I scoffed at her words! The second she and I were on the floor together, and the ball was by her, I took the hockey stick (plastic hockey stick that was provided through the school) and slashed the back of her leg. This sent her crying and me telling her, “I told you so.”

HAHAHAHA. Oh geez. Maybe that isn’t a memory I want to remember. I honestly am not that vicious of a person. I don’t think.

The second memory I recall involves Jason #2, aka Fucktard. Back the first time around, when we dated, he was all into Star Trek (gag – sorry). Star Trek was on Tuesday nights and during this time he was not to be disturbed. Well, I made the unfortunate <-insert eyes rolling counter-clockwise-> mistake of phoning him during a Tuesday viewing of Star Trek.

Him: Hi?
Me: Hey, how’s it going?
Him: Uh, what are you doing?
Me: Um… just wanted to call and see what was up…
Him: Do you know what today is?
Me: Err… Tuesday?
Him: No. It’s Star Trek night. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.
Phone: *CLICK*
Me: !@#$$#%!&#$%

Classic. Right there, classic. Although at the time I was slightly slighted, I find it fairly hilarious now and it certainly makes for a laugh when I tell my friends today.


Take the Internets to Work Day

Today is Take the Internets to Work Day. You know what I’m talking about. It’s like the whole Take Your Kid to Work Day, but unfortunately for me, I’m childless. You will all have to do for this day.

So why the whole Take the Internets to Work Day? Because. I’m tired. Very, very tired. And sleepy. And, I guess they’re both the same thing. Tired and sleepy. And now I’m not making much sense. I’ll stop here. Yes, also fully aware that I've posted work pictures before. Work with me people!

Come Internets and behold. Click on the pictures to get a clearer look with details on what is what. BUT, as a fair warning, I’m the boring host that would bore a child if I truly brought them to work with me.

First, Internets, the day starts off with opening my desk drawer! OOOoooh, Aaahhh!

Then I stare at the piles of paper on my desk. Thrilling, I know.

Then I say screw it and proceed with my beverages of the day.

Note: Work being done not shown.

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Proper Punctuation Does Not Exist Here

Guess who’s NOT going to the Tool concert because someone decided to get uber-fantastically wasted off a bottle and a half of wine and clearly made the stupid mistake of not eating much the entire day even though said person is clearly a “tiny” person, at 5’6” and approximately 125 lbs, then to have been found puking to the Porcelain God refusing to get up and telling a very unfortunate male to “fuck OFF” cause, you know, laying drunk on the floor is the COOL thing to do, then to have said male thankfully be strong and move the living-dead to a nice comfy bed, then telling the rest of the guests to BE DAMN QUIET because he’s got his poor girl sick in bed and MY GOD she is a vicious one that will attempt to bite anyone who tries to move her, but luckily enough said male did not hold it against the drunk loser and let her sleep-in until the room stopped spinning at 3:damn30 p.m. the next day and still was kind enough to cook her breakfast food, while she explained her drunkenness to prepping in stamina for her upcoming birthday and HOLY GEEZUS this is the WORST sentence in the ENTIRE damn WORLD because honestly where the hell is the proper use of punctuation and PERIODS, which would have been used if someone did not lose a BILLION brain cells due to a lame reason like “building up STAMINA for her upcoming birthday” which clearly was a cover-up for “WARNING: DRUNKER ON THE LOSE” and OHMYGOD breeeaaatttthhheeee, breathe, and seriously, JUST GUESS who’s NOT going to the Tool concert because of this?

No, really, just guess.

You are the Awesome. You’re right. ME.

I’m not going to the Tool concert because it was I who was supposed to get the tickets at 10:00 a.m. The day after the Madness started. The day in which the room stopped spinning at 3:30 p.m.

I’m sure I’d be kicking my ass a lot harder for this stupidity but, thankfully for me, I have already seen Tool in concert before and the rest of the concert goers weren't overly excited to see them live.

I’ll let this, uhm, error, slide this time, but next time I won’t be so easy on myself. I’m sure that how I felt the next day was torture enough.

Besides, I’m still convincing myself that I was trying to build up stamina for my birthday in August.

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Oilers Appreciation Day

Yeah. No. Still not over it. It certainly doesn't help that I missed out on, what Edmonton's mayor called, June 22, 2006 the official Oiler Appreciation Day.

How I wish I could have been here.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

End of the Line

I had a happy childhood. It was filled with so much laughter, fun, family and friends. Every weekend my dad would wake my sister and me up with the aroma of cooked sausage on the frying pan; the one thing that would get us up from sleeping-in too much. There would be pancakes, bacon, eggs and toast – the works. Every Christmas my mom would decorate the house from top to bottom! Our household contained every colour you could find in a crayon box. My mom would bake delicious goodies and created gorgeous floral arrangements. She would make chocolate lollipops and I indulged. Each night, before going to bed, my family would tell each other ‘I love you’.

For some reason, that all ended shortly after my 13th birthday.

When I was 12 years old, my dad sat my sister and me down and explained that we were moving from Edmonton to Calgary because he was being transferred there for work. I still remember the shock and disbelief I felt. We were to move just days before my 13th birthday.

My sister, who was 10 years old at the time, and I had devised a plan to somehow stay in Edmonton.

We figured that if we could somehow get enough money we could give it to our dad and we could afford to stay in the only place we knew as home. We created a Secret Fund jar out of and old peanut butter jar and put all our allowance in it. We needed more money. My sister and I then took out the construction paper and made holiday/whatever-just-cause-we-can cards. We made cards that said ‘I love you’; cards that said ‘You’re the best’; cards that said ‘Good job’ and the list when on. We charged a quarter for each card and each quarter went to our Secret Fund jar.

A couple of months before we had to move, my sister and I sat our parents down and showed them the money we had saved. All 120-some dollars. We explained to our parents that see! lots of money! Now we don’t have to move! I guess I don’t have to tell you folks that the Secret Fund jar didn’t quite work. In the end, my parents were proud of my sister and me and decided that we should split the money and put it in our savings account.

On August 1, 1995, my family and I took our belongings and left home; but not until I had carved in ‘I was here 1995’ into the wall siding, near the bottom, behind the door.

Leaving Edmonton was emotionally heart-wrenching for me. I vividly remember the drive from the NW down through to south Edmonton. Staring out the car window, looking at all the trees pass by, wondering if things would stay the same. As we were about to leave the Edmonton city limits, my eyes filled up with tears as I stared at downtown Edmonton getting smaller. To this day I still cannot listen to I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan – the song that played on the radio as downtown kept shrinking – without crying. I took one last look at the welcoming sign to Edmonton: Welcome to Edmonton – The City of Champions.

Living in Calgary had changed my family. My dad no longer enticed my sister and me out of bed with the aroma of sausage. My mom waited until December 21 to decorate the house and decorate with the bare minimum. There were no more baked goodies. No more floral arrangements or chocolate lollipops. We stopped saying ‘I love you’ before going to bed each night. My sister was no longer the sweet, innocent girl I once knew. I became drawn in, angry, violent, and bitter and had zero friends for the first three months living in Calgary.

Although over time I have grown to not be so bitter, angry, etc. I still miss Edmonton and still consider it my home.

The one thing that kept me partially sane over the years was the hockey that I could watch on television. My family and extended family were hockey fanatics. In the family, you either watched hockey or you played hockey – mom, dad, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandmother. The Edmonton Oilers were a part of The City of Champions and that is who we cheered for. Living in Calgary and being an Oiler fan has NOT been easy.

Firstly, there is the Battle of Alberta. Edmonton doesn’t like Calgary and Calgary doesn’t like Edmonton. Can you imagine the harassment I got for my team? Insane. Any chance I got, if I saw someone wearing Oiler paraphernalia, I’d try to make friends with them. Now although the Oilers are not the greatest hockey team around since they lost all their great players (Gretzky, Messier, Fuhr, etc.) I have always believed that they are the best and have never in my life cheered any less for them, not even when they were losing 7 games in a row. I do not jump on the bandwagon and I will be a die-hard Oiler fan till the day I die.

When the Edmonton Oilers made it into the Playoffs this season I was so damn happy. They were struggling to gain the eight spot and they managed to pull through and jump over Vancouver to get it. I was determined to not let anything get in my way of me missing a playoff game; even if it meant giving myself food poisoning.

First up, Detriot Red Wings. No one would have thought that the eighth-seeded team could kick out the top team. Even I was afraid.

Next up the San Jose Sharks. At first, Edmonton was down 2-0 in the series. But guess what? The Oilers came back and came back hard. They took the series with winning four games in a row.

After that, the Anaheim Ducks. I had a feeling this was going to be easy considering the regular season statistics. I was right. The Oilers ate the Ducks.

Then it was the big finale. Edmonton vs. Carolina. By this point, I had only one thing on my mind. WIN THE CUP. The Oilers were the true underdogs and had come a long way. The last time they made it this far was back in 1992 and I was ready to relive it in 2006.

The Oilers had a rough start after losing their star goalie, Roli. But, the Oilers fought hard and after proving to the world that they are hard workers and will not go down easy, they managed to tie the series 3-3 after being down 2-0 and 3-1.

Last night was game 7. It was officially the most important hockey game I have watched in my entire life. I was living it and breathing it. As like every other game, I went down to the bar on a popular strip and sat myself down with the same person that has been watching the games with me.

Last night it all came to an end.

I was furious. I cried. I felt an emotion that I had never felt before.

In the last short while, I have never seen so much blue. There are blue Oiler jerseys, blue Oiler caps, blue Oiler car flags and so much more everywhere I went. In the pubs, I have heard more people cheering for the Oilers than I have in years. During last night’s game, there was a loud roar of GO OILERS GO and LETS GO OILERS, LETS GO. It was a constant chant that did not let down, not even with it was certain that the Oilers were not going to win and when it was down to the last 30 seconds. I did not let down either. And even after the last second came and went, the crowd was still cheering GO OILERS GO and I was there, with tears in my eyes, chanting along with everyone else.

And at that point, though crushed beyond repair, I had never in the last 11 years of my life, felt as happy as I was at that moment. My team had come so far and worked so damn hard to even get to a game 7 in THE Stanley Cup final. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

But the best part of it all? It was the first time in 11 years that I had felt so close to home from so far away and last night, with so many people wearing the team’s colours and screaming the team’s name, it was the truly the happiest moment of my life since living in Calgary.

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Monday, June 19, 2006

Tonight's the Night

That's all I've got to say...

For now.

No, wait. Except for: Wear your blue.


Saturday, June 17, 2006

What a Load of...

Well, it has happened. It rained enough to flood areas of the park I frequent. I certainly hope it doesn’t get any worse than this. Although, it’s not as bad as it was last year, by far.

Here's a view of the pathway under the bridge. This, technically, is nothing compared to what it was last year.

Look at him. Poor Jamie looks so sad standing against the tall railing. I don't blame him. His hidden nude tanning spot has been destroyed by this flood.

But no! Not sad enough that he isn't willing to take a dive into the river! Here he gooooes!

As of right now, the water level is only at the 1 mark. Last year the water level reached the 8 mark. Here's hoping that it won't go past the 1 mark and that the water level will only go down from here.


Friday, June 16, 2006

In My Other Life

I went to this link after reading about it on one of Miss Zoot’s post. I could not resist! I had to try it out for myself, and I did.

This is totally me in cartoon-like form. Well, except for the shoes. They didn’t exactly have a selection of old-skool Chuck Taylor hi-tops, or DC’s, or Globes, or Etnies… or anything like that. But everything else? Without a doubt, me.

What I'm wondering is, where is my nose?


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature:

Heed my words! This rain must come to a halt! Let this important notice be your first written warning. Please note that under no circumstances will I go easy on you for your next warning. Termination will take place.

Ms. Nature, I have currently lost count of how many days it has been cloudy and dreary; this does not include the rain that has followed.

Ms. Nature, you have managed to confuse the weatherperson which caused said weatherperson to state this morning that it is currently, “13 degrees and wet outside.” As I heard “wet” I believed it was fair to believe that it only meant that the ground was, you know, wet. That is until I stepped outside and came to the realization that “wet” meant a massive downpour. This will not be tolerated.

It is with a fair assumption that I speak for everyone when I say that wet socks are not comfortable. Two hours later my socks have finally dried off.

I will, however, give your props on a couple of items. Last night, you managed to end The Thunderstorm by the time I went to sleep. This will not go unnoticed for I am fearful of The Thunderstorm, especially if I am trying to sleep. Secondly, I am grateful that you held off the rain long enough so that my partner in crime and I could walk the hour to Peter’s Drive-In and to the 7-Eleven next door. This was perfectly synchronized with the Edmonton Oiler’s game. Which, by the way, DID YOU CHECK THAT SHIT OUT?! Mother Nature, were you as turned on as I was by it? Cause seriously. I was turned on. Yo, Ms. Nature, I hear Old Man Winter is available during the off-season. Why don’t you, *nudge nudge* give him a call… know what I’m sayin’?! Word.

In conclusion, with the summer season upon us, please cheer the hell up because I am more than certain that I’m not the only one who wants this rain to stop. Oh, and it’d be greatly appreciated if you could make the rain stop before noon because I am starving and the idea of walking in the rain to get lunch does NOT turn me on.




Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Queen of Incoherency

Because I’m having a hard time focusing, and putting words into proper sentences and paragraphs, I will continue with this post in point form. I can guarantee that it will not make much sense.

~ Rain. Mother Nature, make it stop. I’ve got shorts and flip-flops waiting to be worn. I’ve got a skateboard sitting in the storage closet. I’M TIRED OF STARING AT THE GROUND TO AVOID STEPPING ON REPULSIVE WORMS, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. It makes my neck sore.

~ I’m hoping that the sharp, stabbing pains in my head is nothing. They’ve come and gone for a few years now. Lately I’ve had a fainting feeling every time I walk around. I wonder if this is, possibly, related to my caffeinated coffee use throughout the day. Sadly I need a cup of coffee right now.

~ I’m tired. I’m very, very sleepy. And my head hurts.

~ My workplace is a zoo right now. Not literally, but it is scary out there. We’re currently hosting our second largest event with an expected attendance of 15,000 to 20,000 PER DAY. Sure it’s only for three days, but seriously, I’m already starting to develop a twitch.

~ I used to do fine in large crowds. I’m not doing so fine now, for some reason. With all these cars… and people… ACK. My teeth start to grind, my fists are clenched, and my eyes dart left to right like a bullet. I’ve become jumpy.

~ In less than a month we will be hosting our largest event. There is a minimum estimated attendance of 1,100,000. Every year that figure is surpassed. That figure is then divided by 10 for the 10 days it takes place. That’s a minimum of 110,000 per day. I need to quickly fix this jumpiness.

~ I went grocery shopping yesterday and my sister came along. Note to Self: Never go grocery shopping again with your sister. This woman, who turns 22 in less than two weeks, climbed into the shopping cart and refused to get out. She then proceeded to try to grab everything in her path. My body is sore from trying to push the cart. What the hell.

~ I have found the solution of getting over an ex-significant other and totally forgetting that on Sunday it was two months that the fucker left. Solution: Fume silently at new partner. No wait, strike that. New significant other. No, strike that. I’ll figure out the term when I know what is going on.

~ I may have over-reacted and resorted to spite. I need to fix this problem.

~ Haha. Get this. I’m sick, AGAIN.

~ Friends tell me to take Cold FX. Apparently it’s a miracle worker. I bought a small bottle. Geezus, that shit is expensive. I better get my money’s worth.

~ Mr. Don Cherry supposedly takes Cold FX and swears by it. But, do I believe him? I am NOT a fan of Mr. Cherry. He makes me twitch. Also? Toasted does NOT taste better.

~ Rumour has it, there is a small patch of sunlight coming through the clouds. I don’t believe it’ll last long. But I hope it does.

~ I watched Brokeback Mountain with my sister last night. I cried at the end. Crying at the end of sappy, romantic movies is not unusual for me. I keep a box of Kleenex close by for that reason.

~ I need coffee.

~ Apologies for this being incoherent.


Monday, June 12, 2006

Sometimes the Urge Takes Over

Sometimes, at work, when I go to the ladies restroom and I’m the only one in there, I like to stand in front of the mirror and make funny faces at myself. What goes through my head while I’m doing this is, “What the hell? Stop it.” I don’t listen to myself and I continue to make funny faces.

I have no idea why I felt the need to share that.


Mr. Psychic Man

Back however many years ago, possibly three or so, my sister dragged me to a Psychic Fair. What the…? Yes, a Psychic Fair.

My sister is a huge believer in psychics and magic stones and potions and tarot cards and all that errr “interesting” stuff. I’m not quite sure if she is still practicing her tarot skills and such, but I know she still sleeps with these weird stones under her pillow. Personally, I don’t buy any of that stuff and after seeing a psychic myself, I firmly do not believe in the magic of it all.

At the time of this Psychic Fair, I had been a couple months into the relationship with Chad but still frequently thought of Jason #2 (circa after break-up #1). Also, during this time, my sister had wanted me to go to Greece with her for a two week trip before I became employed full-time after finishing post-secondary. My thoughts surrounding these events were: Am I going to be able to “move on” and get over Dipshit (his given name before he upgraded to the current Fucktard)? Will this new guy screw me over like the rest (Hah. I know, I’m a pessimist)? Do I really want to get on a plane and risk losing my life because ohmygod screw physics! should something that large be in mid-air (no, really. should it?!)?!

My sister had decided to go for the full-out reading, which had the asking price of well over $100. Being the sceptic that I am, I only forked out approximately $60-80 which was the mid-range asking price.

During the session, the psychic recorded on cassette the half hour session for me and the hour session for my sister.

The following two points are only a couple of reasons why I don’t believe in psychics:

1. Said psychic told my sister that within the year she would fall in love and be pregnant out of wedlock. Please excuse me while I piss myself from laughing.

Okay. I’m okay. Allow me to explain why this was not only funny but also so not true. My sister doesn’t quite want to fall in love. Back many years ago her heart was broken by the one guy she loved. Since then… Well, let me put it this way. Up here in Canada, there is a statistic, of some sort, regarding the average number of sex partners that a person has. I believe the number is seven. My sister proudly admits that she has surpassed that. By a lot. I mean, A LOT. Just yesterday she told me that she has started going through the alphabet. “Lets see… I’ve got A, B, C, E, F, M, N… Gotta find an O… I have T…” And she went on and on from there. Oh, and she has not become pregnant.

2. For me, the psychic said that I had been battling my emotions between two men. That part was true. But then the psychic took a wrong turn at, “The man you are with now will be the one for you and you can trust him. He will make a mistake, but only once, and from that point he will never harm you again.”

Oh, Psychic Man, you are SOOO funny! Psychic Man apparently failed to read the memo on how Asswipe screwed me over.

Now, I gotta admit. Psychic Man was right on one thing. During my reading he mentioned that he saw “travelling” for me. I was stunned by this because, as mentioned earlier, my sister and I were thinking of going to Greece (well, my sister was thinking about it, I was dreading it). Then Mr. Psychic Man had to open his big mouth and mention, “I am getting the feeling from my sources (his what?!) that you are uncertain of this trip I’m envisioning (envisi-what?!) and that this trip will not occur.”

At that moment, my eyes darted toward my sister and the look she gave me… It was worse than a glare… worse than If Looks Could Kill… it was like, “DIE EVIL SISTER OF MINE, DIIIEEEEE.”

Funny. To this day I still don’t think she has forgiven me for emitting magical rays to the psychics “sources” about how leery I was about the trip.


Friday, June 09, 2006

A Day Like Today (Yesterday?)

I can’t believe I’m going to waste a post on this, but I am going through p.a.n.i.c. mode.

It is raining. It has been raining all day. Why would this bother me? Of course I’m going to tell you.

Last year, possibly about this same time, we had rain. And not just a little bit of rain, I’m talking a massive down pour for about two weeks straight. This caused a colossal flooding of the river. This river then proceeded to flood various buildings of my workplace and flooded basements, parking lots, etc. two blocks from where I used to live. The worst part? The rain completely flooded the park that Jamie and I frequent when we want to take an easy ride on the skateboard. The pathways were submerged in disgusting, dirty water and the park benches could only been seen by their very tops. After the flood, the pathways were closed off for quite some time because of the damage and because of the length of time it took for the water level to go down. All in all, it destroyed my skateboarding routine in the spring.

And that’s not all! The worms. The disgusting, slimy, squishy worms. Once the rain starts, they all come crawling out of their filthy holes in the ground and take over the sidewalks and roads. It freaks me out to be honest. It really, really does. Gah.

Then there are the wet socks and shoes. Even though it has only rained for a day, by my work and downtown the sidewalks and roads are already piling up with huge puddles of murky water. It is a task to be able to plan each step strategically to somehow avoid these puddles. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to plan each step that quickly and am currently warming my very wet, cold feet.

Oh, and the smell. OH THE SMELL. It is especially horrid when you’re trapped with soaking wet people on a train and all you can smell is the scent of wet people - or also known as the scent of an icky, wet dog.

-15 minutes later after putting the laundry in the dryer-

Hrm. There was something else I was going to write about. I have completely forgotten what it was. It was good too.

OOH! I remember. Haha.

Now that I think about it, it really isn’t that good.

I finished a contract at work for a movie shoot that will be taking place at my place of employment. It will actually have real famous people. I realize that this all sounds fairly ridiculous, but up here in Calgary we don’t get many famous folks dropping by. I have devised a scheme to enter the shoot and steal their clothes. My idea was then followed with a typical comment on how eccentric I am (believe me, if you heard my idea you’d understand why eccentric is fitting).

I have until June 21 to put my plan into action. I will prevail.

Added Note: Okay, technically this post was meant for yesterday but due to circumstances that could not be helped (aka Blogger being down) it is being posted today.

P.S. I had a couple of photos that I was going to add to this, but apparently Sir Blogger won't allow that either. Photos to be added whenever I am allowed to add them.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Falling Off Track

Yes, I fully realize that it’s been awhile. I have been swamped with work and it makes it so much harder to get anything done when I’m wallowing in my own self-misery.

What the…? Wallowing in my own self-misery? Yes, indeed. In a few days it’ll be two months. Friends keep telling me that it’ll get easier. In fact, I thought I was “there”. You know, the point where you stop constantly thinking about it and you’re there cheering yourself on, “Good on ya! You totally did not pay attention to the anniversary that would have been and that Fucktard packed up just mere weeks ago! No wait! I tooootally did not think that, cause like, I’m sooo over it!”

It has not gotten any easier. Or, at least I don’t think so. Alas, I need to push aside these thoughts and feelings because I feel as if I am falling off track with what I need to be focusing on.

Work needs to be done. Reports to complete. A gentleman to assure that “I’m in this 100 percent.” A team to cheer on. All this, and to assure myself that IT WILL GET EASIER.


Friday, June 02, 2006

One Issue Down, One to Go


So. Honestly. I need to calm down. And breathe. Before I have. A heart attack.

As mentioned previously, in the last post – Issue #1 – it has been solved!


AND, I didn’t have to do a damn thing! Apparently, due to unfortunate circumstances, the meeting has been cancelled and will be rescheduled for the early fall.

Which means… I WILL NOT HAVE TO MISS A GAME. Oh, yeah, that and find a food poisoning method.

Tonight, I will rock it out like no other!


Brains of the Operation

I have two issues with no solutions for.

Issue 1:
Hockey. Yes, that’s right, hockey. It will be back in its ultimate, full force starting Monday, June 5. Looks like Edmonton will be taking on Carolina. I believe that my team is going to kick ass. BUT, they will need my full psychotic, superstitious ass keeping watch over the game… every game. So where’s the problem with that? Well, you see, on Wednesday, June 7, I have a meeting that “I have to attend” that goes from 6:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.


What the goddamn. HATERS! HATERS I TELL YOU. If, keyword: if, I were unreasonable at all, I would believe that The Man is keeping me down by purposely planning the meeting at that time. Well guess what? I am unreasonable and I do believe that The Man is keeping me down!

I mean, I totally realize that these people are jealous that their team, The Flames, did not make the playoffs, but really now… do they have to take it out on me?! For fucks sake, this will be the first game I miss during the playoffs. Unless…

I, AJ, will need to come up with a brilliant plan that will without a doubt get me out of that meeting.

I was thinking, HMMM, I could call in sick but that wouldn’t work because the people I work with all know that I was sick but am better now. Then I thought, HMMM, maybe there has been a death in the family but ohmygod I would hate myself for even saying or thinking that. AND BAM! Maybe I could pull of food poisoning!

I know what you’re all thinking. “Are you fucking insane? You’re not actually going to fake food poisoning just to watch a hockey game?!”

Well, actually, yeah, I am considering it. And I can’t fake it either; it’s got to be real. All this for a hockey game? You bet your ass I’m serious! I figure that I need to pull off a safe, but serious enough food poisoning that I cannot attend the meeting and/or work yet still catch the game and then I’m golden. But I will need to have it so that this lasts only one day, not a week or something.

Haha. You know, reading back on this, it sounds fairly EXTREME. But believe me, if you folks were able to ask my friends, they would tell you that this is normal behaviour for me.

So, I need to find a food poisoning method that is safe but will get me ill enough to miss the meeting and/or work. Unless I come up with something else before Wednesday, I’m going to have to bust my ass on this to research a way to make this work.

Issue #2:
Spring is here folks! Well, it’s sort of summer. But that’s only because it seems to me that Calgary weather has decided to skip spring.

Everyone at work, well only the ladies, are all wearing pretty skirts. I looooove wearing skirts and would love to wear one to work on occasion. The issue? I can’t wear a skirt to work because I figured that getting a tattoo on my left, inner calf would be so damn awesome. Sure I could wear thick nylon stockings to cover it, but when it is 26+ degrees Celsius outside it is not a smart idea.

I do recall seeing a television show, once, about a lady who has tattooed herself to be a cat… or tiger… or something like that. When she goes to work she uses make-up to cover up the facial tattoos and you honestly couldn’t tell that she had any tattoos on her face!

So… because I don’t quite wear make-up (because I rock like that) I don’t know what sort of make-up could be used to cover up a tattoo so well. Suggestions anyone? Foundation? Um… powder stuff, or whatever it’s called? Erm… theatre make-up (I’d like to avoid that option if possible)?

So there you have it; two issues, with a few ideas, but no solid solutions.

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

How Tired Is Tired?

Geezus. It is 11:46 p.m. and I am just waking up. No wait, let me start at the beginning.

Went out last night. Got home. Did not sleep till 3:00 a.m. (I do have an unfortunate sleeping problem). May have had a few drinks before coming home. Had the temperature set at a ridiculous high. Wore sweat pants and a shirt to bed. Woke up at approximately 6:30 a.m. screaming, ripping my clothes off and throwing them across the room. Took forever to get back to sleep. Woke up for work in a daze. Got to work. Still in a daze. Twelve noon hits - still in a daze. Coffee. Coffee. More coffee. Promise myself to go home, do laundry and get to bed early. Did laundry. Watched television.

At that point I can only assume I dozed off because the next thing I know I am waking up and realizing that, well, I am waking up.

I am beyond grateful that tomorrow is Friday.


So grateful that tomorrow is the weekend.

Went to bed at 2:00 a.m. thinking, "Shucks, it's gonna be easy to fall asleep! I bet my body is still in the whole I-am-Still-Not-Quite-Awake-Put-Me-to-Sleep Mode."


no, No, NO!


period. end of story.

I was up, tossing and turning, turning and tossing, for another hour and some after that, all the while thinking, “Body is still in the I-am-Still-Not-Quite-Awake-Put-Me-to-Sleep Mode… body is still in the I-am-Still-Not-Quite-Awake-Put-Me-to-Sleep Mode… body is still in the I-am-Still-Not-Quite-Awake-Put-Me-to-Sleep Mode.”


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