Thursday, June 15, 2006

Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature:

Heed my words! This rain must come to a halt! Let this important notice be your first written warning. Please note that under no circumstances will I go easy on you for your next warning. Termination will take place.

Ms. Nature, I have currently lost count of how many days it has been cloudy and dreary; this does not include the rain that has followed.

Ms. Nature, you have managed to confuse the weatherperson which caused said weatherperson to state this morning that it is currently, “13 degrees and wet outside.” As I heard “wet” I believed it was fair to believe that it only meant that the ground was, you know, wet. That is until I stepped outside and came to the realization that “wet” meant a massive downpour. This will not be tolerated.

It is with a fair assumption that I speak for everyone when I say that wet socks are not comfortable. Two hours later my socks have finally dried off.

I will, however, give your props on a couple of items. Last night, you managed to end The Thunderstorm by the time I went to sleep. This will not go unnoticed for I am fearful of The Thunderstorm, especially if I am trying to sleep. Secondly, I am grateful that you held off the rain long enough so that my partner in crime and I could walk the hour to Peter’s Drive-In and to the 7-Eleven next door. This was perfectly synchronized with the Edmonton Oiler’s game. Which, by the way, DID YOU CHECK THAT SHIT OUT?! Mother Nature, were you as turned on as I was by it? Cause seriously. I was turned on. Yo, Ms. Nature, I hear Old Man Winter is available during the off-season. Why don’t you, *nudge nudge* give him a call… know what I’m sayin’?! Word.

In conclusion, with the summer season upon us, please cheer the hell up because I am more than certain that I’m not the only one who wants this rain to stop. Oh, and it’d be greatly appreciated if you could make the rain stop before noon because I am starving and the idea of walking in the rain to get lunch does NOT turn me on.

Sincerely,

AJS

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2 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

Mother Nature must have listened to you, because here in Boston we've had a full MONTH of on-again, off-again, but mostly on-again, rain, and yesterday seemed like much the same until around 3:00 when, like the beginning of The Simpsons, the clouds parted, sunlight started streaming through, and blue sky was visible once again. Today is much the same. Thank you for your post; you learned how to control the weather. Good job!

9:33 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hahahahahaha. NOOOO. What the...

I'm glad someone got good use out of the letter because it didn't work over here! By the time lunch hit, the rain came down even harder and it was damn windy. It's a good thing that we have this large event happening with food vendors around or I would have starved. It is currently the next day and it is STILL raining.

Mother Nature, try giving some damn sun up north where I am!

11:38 AM  

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