Friday, June 02, 2006

Brains of the Operation

I have two issues with no solutions for.

Issue 1:
Hockey. Yes, that’s right, hockey. It will be back in its ultimate, full force starting Monday, June 5. Looks like Edmonton will be taking on Carolina. I believe that my team is going to kick ass. BUT, they will need my full psychotic, superstitious ass keeping watch over the game… every game. So where’s the problem with that? Well, you see, on Wednesday, June 7, I have a meeting that “I have to attend” that goes from 6:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.

GAME FRIGGIN’ TWO IS ON THAT DAY AT 6:00 P.M.

What the goddamn. HATERS! HATERS I TELL YOU. If, keyword: if, I were unreasonable at all, I would believe that The Man is keeping me down by purposely planning the meeting at that time. Well guess what? I am unreasonable and I do believe that The Man is keeping me down!

I mean, I totally realize that these people are jealous that their team, The Flames, did not make the playoffs, but really now… do they have to take it out on me?! For fucks sake, this will be the first game I miss during the playoffs. Unless…

I, AJ, will need to come up with a brilliant plan that will without a doubt get me out of that meeting.

I was thinking, HMMM, I could call in sick but that wouldn’t work because the people I work with all know that I was sick but am better now. Then I thought, HMMM, maybe there has been a death in the family but ohmygod I would hate myself for even saying or thinking that. AND BAM! Maybe I could pull of food poisoning!

I know what you’re all thinking. “Are you fucking insane? You’re not actually going to fake food poisoning just to watch a hockey game?!”

Well, actually, yeah, I am considering it. And I can’t fake it either; it’s got to be real. All this for a hockey game? You bet your ass I’m serious! I figure that I need to pull off a safe, but serious enough food poisoning that I cannot attend the meeting and/or work yet still catch the game and then I’m golden. But I will need to have it so that this lasts only one day, not a week or something.

Haha. You know, reading back on this, it sounds fairly EXTREME. But believe me, if you folks were able to ask my friends, they would tell you that this is normal behaviour for me.

So, I need to find a food poisoning method that is safe but will get me ill enough to miss the meeting and/or work. Unless I come up with something else before Wednesday, I’m going to have to bust my ass on this to research a way to make this work.

Issue #2:
Spring is here folks! Well, it’s sort of summer. But that’s only because it seems to me that Calgary weather has decided to skip spring.

Everyone at work, well only the ladies, are all wearing pretty skirts. I looooove wearing skirts and would love to wear one to work on occasion. The issue? I can’t wear a skirt to work because I figured that getting a tattoo on my left, inner calf would be so damn awesome. Sure I could wear thick nylon stockings to cover it, but when it is 26+ degrees Celsius outside it is not a smart idea.

I do recall seeing a television show, once, about a lady who has tattooed herself to be a cat… or tiger… or something like that. When she goes to work she uses make-up to cover up the facial tattoos and you honestly couldn’t tell that she had any tattoos on her face!

So… because I don’t quite wear make-up (because I rock like that) I don’t know what sort of make-up could be used to cover up a tattoo so well. Suggestions anyone? Foundation? Um… powder stuff, or whatever it’s called? Erm… theatre make-up (I’d like to avoid that option if possible)?


So there you have it; two issues, with a few ideas, but no solid solutions.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

Um...good luck with the food poisining? And be careful, for God's sake!

12:18 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Alex - No worries; I would have been sure to be careful. Fortunately, I will no longer have to go through with this plan!

3:01 PM  
Anonymous dawn said...

um. . .why do you have to hide it?

4:31 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Dawn - I have to hide it because I work in a business professional environment that deals with a lot of fancy-shmancy clients. I am also the youngest person in my department... the majority of fellow employees are at least 40 years old and don't believe that having piercings or tattoos is professional at all. My hope is that one day piercings and tattoos will be the norm in an environment like mine... then I will rule all! *insert maniacal laughter*

9:14 AM  

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