Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Falling Off Track

Yes, I fully realize that it’s been awhile. I have been swamped with work and it makes it so much harder to get anything done when I’m wallowing in my own self-misery.

What the…? Wallowing in my own self-misery? Yes, indeed. In a few days it’ll be two months. Friends keep telling me that it’ll get easier. In fact, I thought I was “there”. You know, the point where you stop constantly thinking about it and you’re there cheering yourself on, “Good on ya! You totally did not pay attention to the anniversary that would have been and that Fucktard packed up just mere weeks ago! No wait! I tooootally did not think that, cause like, I’m sooo over it!”

It has not gotten any easier. Or, at least I don’t think so. Alas, I need to push aside these thoughts and feelings because I feel as if I am falling off track with what I need to be focusing on.

Work needs to be done. Reports to complete. A gentleman to assure that “I’m in this 100 percent.” A team to cheer on. All this, and to assure myself that IT WILL GET EASIER.



Blogger Punk Angel said...

I know exactly what you mean. I was put in a situation where I knew time was the only thing that would heal a very sore wound but I find myself thinking back to that time and sink back into self-pity, depression, 'what-ifs', that whole bit. I thought it'd get easier over time but I find that the more time passes between the present and the past, the more I try to make up reasons, lies to fool myself, different options about what could've happened vs. what did happen... etc. Last night I ended up writting 3 pages in my written journal about it, hoping that my thoughts would make sense and help heal my mind but I don't think it did me any justice.

8:17 p.m.  
Anonymous dawn said...

Have you revealed somewhere in your blog what happened 2 months ago?
2 months isn't a very long time.

5:23 a.m.  
Blogger Alex said...

I was wondering where you went AJ. I figured that it was hockey madness. I'm happy to hear that you're starting to feel better about things, whatever they may be (I'm not going to pry). Enjoy yourself, enjoy life, play some guitar or bass, watch hockey, do some skateboarding, keep your mind busy. You're absolutely right: it will get easier.

7:54 a.m.  
Blogger AJ said...

Punk Angel - I couldn't have said it any better. You're psychic! Nah. You just understand 100% what I'm talking about, which is comforting to know. Lets hope that in time both of us find the answers and closure that we're looking for.

Dawn - I sure have. It was listed with the Pathetic Love - Part 5 story. Two months definitely isn't a long time, but it sure has felt much longer. (Note to self: Build Time Machine. Mwahaha.)

Alex - Oh man. Hockey madness is right. In fact, so maddening that I can't even bring myself to think about it (not sure if you've been keeping up with NHL hockey, but it's looking bleak for my team - must.stay.positive). Excellent suggestions on keeping busy - I've definitely been doing so!

9:19 a.m.  

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