Nelly Don't Know Hot

It’s getting hot in here and I’m tempted to take off all my clothes.

It’s finally begun to feel like Spring. I can tell from my itchy, watery, sticky eyes. Oh, and the wicked warm weather.

Now, we all know that during May Long it always rains (sprinkling of raindrops for Sunday and Monday), but I’m okay with that. As long as there is no snow, I’m good to go.

Brand new tent – check.
Booze – check.
Up till 12:00 a.m., last night, to ensure that the majority of things are packed so that we can head out camping after work – check.

The last time we “went” camping was the long weekend of September last year. Except, we didn’t go. It’s like this – we stayed up late to pack everything up so that we (Future Mister and I) could get up early and head out to the mountains. Prior to this, FM had been having gut issues and his gut issues wouldn’t subside. After much nagging on my part (I was worried he had appendicitis, even though he didn’t display any of the symptoms) and after much resistance on his part, he finally agreed to make a quick stop at the doctors before we rush home to pack up the vehicle and leave.

Yeah. We never made it home.

Guess who was right? Guess who’s nagging paid off? And guess who demanded a bouquet of flowers for saving a life?

Me.

Despite having zero symptoms, it turns out he did have appendicitis.

Without going into a whole lot of detail on the events to follow (it still saddens me to think that we could have been in the middle of nowhere and God only knows what would have happened if his appendix had burst), let’s just say that FM laid on a waiting room bed for 8 hours while 3 doctors poked and prodded him trying to determine if it really was appendicitis (again, zero symptoms). The doctors finally decided to get him scanned and half an hour later he was rushed to the operating room to remove his appendix.

During his prep, FM must have gone through shock because he suddenly went pale. He asked to go to the washroom and after 5 minutes in there I knocked on the door to see if he was okay.

Actually, you know what, I don’t even want to type it out because I don’t feel like tearing up at the thought of that day/night/the days after, etc.

All in all, it was a horrendous experience. I realize it was a simple appendicitis that needed to be removed, but with the waiting times in hospitals in Calgary and the events that followed during his prep, I was almost certain that his appendix would have/had burst.

One day I’ll write out the whole tale of FM’s appendix experience; including the amazing changes in our lives because it happened (Like finding his biological father! Through facebook of all places!).

Until then, I’m going to continue counting down the hours till I’m off work so we can go CAMPING!@#$

Can't Even Fake Productivity

Booooo. Boooooo on me.

Only 1.5 hours left till the April Fools Pranks must cease and desist! And I have failed in providing a prank of a sort.

I hang my head in shame.

Perhaps if I weren’t sitting here at work I could have done something. Or maybe if I planned ahead of time I could have pulled something off. Alas, I am lazy.

I’ll have to try again next year.

The Gandharvas Takes This One

Happy effin first day of Spring. I'm so over this Winter and Snow bullshit. So over.

Let's all do ourselves a favour and rock out with your cock out and jam out with your clam out!

Zoning Out Through Headphones

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that headphones are heaven sent. They provide sound for listening to music, etc. in the privacy of your own ears, but they also provide a wall between you and others around you. Now you’re thinking: Is that a good thing? Or are you implying that’s a bad thing?

For me, it’s a good thing.

More times than most, I like to keep to myself when I’m in public without someone I know being with me. I have had far too many experiences with strangers coming up to me and trying to start a conversation; including the time where, out of my own pure stupidity and mistakes, managed to meet my future (and currently ex-) stalker (yeah, we won’t get into that).

I have found that by wearing headphones, people tend to leave you alone. Sure, most of you probably have realized this by now; it’s not that hard to understand that yes, with headphones on, people will leave you alone. Unfortunately, there are some people out there that don’t follow this.

Allow me to let you in on a secret: Sometimes, I wear my headphones (plugged into my Ipod… not just headphones alone, ‘cause like, what the hell, eh?) and I’m not listening to any music. I will stick those earpieces in just so it looks like I’m listening to music and hoping that I’m not making it too obvious that I just want to ignore weirdos. This system, however, has backfired on me numerous times.

The latest failure involves a co-worker. Sure she’s nice and friendly and all that jazz, but personally, I find her obnoxious. She’s one of those people that when I see walking up to me, I start to develop a twitch in my eye and I hope that a vehicle will suddenly strike me. Not completely serious, but you get the idea.

In the mornings, we usually end up taking the same train to work. I avoid eye contact and make myself look occupied by “listening” to music or pretend that I am taking a short nap on the train (yes, completely serious).

You know what? This always fails. She always tries to make her presence known by waving her hand right in front of my face or if I’m “napping” she will flop her damn ass right beside me and sits so close that her friggin’ body is practically caressing mine.

You just don’t do that. I cannot stress that enough.

This morning was no different; except for one thing…

I was listening to music. I felt the need to be serenaded by Justin Timberlake. As I’m in a half daze, imagining that Justin will have me nekkid by the end of the song (mmmmmm), I was rudely brought back to reality when she decided to stand in front of me and start talking to me, WHILE I STILL HAD HEADPHONES ON.

It took what little inner strength I had to not say: I’m sorry, but do you see these? (hold up headphones) When these are in place, DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, INTERRUPT MY WILD FANTASY.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish listening to the song.

Going Out On a High Note

Well. I’m.

Not so impressed with.

Ugh. I can’t even type it out.

But, it is horrible. C’est TRES terrible.

Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. BUT to ME it is horrible. And a real downer. And makes my eyes water a bit.

I can’t bring myself to talk about it or type it out. Tomorrow I will. Until then, I need to look at the brighter side of things.

Like:

Finally getting my birthday dinner with my family tonight. We’ve all been busy with birthdays, partying (no wait, that’s just me) and work that we haven’t had time to get together for my dinner. I’m thinking Olive Garden. Mmmmm…

September 2-4: The Calgary Tattoo & Arts Festival that we are hosting at my workplace. I plan on bringing a lot of cash with me when I go. All the wonderful things I could check out and buy… the possibilities are endless! I’m going to have to start planning on the perfect outfit to wear. My tattoo artist is a guest artist during the festival and there is no way I’m going without looking my best. teeeheeee.

September 28: Bad Religion/Dropkick Murphys! ‘Nuff said. I did a contract for that concert last month, but because it wasn’t officially confirmed yet, I had to stay quiet.

Perks! Yes, perks. With my job, the perks are fantastic (free concert tickets people, free concert tickets). So when Rob Zombie rolled on over to our venue, I managed to get tickets and ohmygod, it couldn’t have been any better. Seriously. It was great. No, wait. Great is an understatement. IT WAS FAN-FUCKIN-TASTIC.

Coffee. Yes, I am currently enjoying a freshly brewed cup of coffee. And it tastes great.

Talladega Nights. Personally, I thought it was damn hilarious.


This concludes post number #101. I think I ended it on a positive note. Up next, post number #102: The Demotion.

Updates! FYIs! Oh My!

Update 1: As per the previous post, this so-called-bomb? WAS A CAMERA BAG THAT SOMEONE LEFT BEHIND. My sister told me. That’s how I found out. And certainly not from the newspaper. Why? Because apparently it’s more important to print an article on how Lance Bass came out of the gay closet as opposed to writing an article on why my defenceless belly starved because someone forgot their camera bag. Not that there is anything wrong with the Mr. Bass story; kudos on him for coming out. Plus I’m a sucker for celebrity gossip. But seriously, the Mr. Bass story does not belong on page 2 of the newspaper while the “downtown scare” gets excluded, completely.

FYI 1: Pickup lines that NO guy should use:
“Girl, your hips do not lie.” If one more guy mutters those words to me, while I’m dancing with friends, will seriously get hip-checked.
“You have nice breasts.” HAHAHAHAHA. Okay, sorry. This one I have to laugh at. My friend actually had a male say this to her. The look on her face = priceless. We were all fairly disgusted.

FYI 2: I have a dentist appointment today. I dislike going to the dentist. My dentist has a television in each of the rooms. I like watching The Simpsons while getting my teeth cleaned. I will be turning 24 years old soon and I have never, ever had a single cavity - ever. My teeth could beat up your teeth. Not sure how… but I’ll figure it out. BUT. If any of you find me online later crying? It’s because my dentist has told me that my lucky streak is up and a cavity has been found. I was serious about the crying part. I will cry.

Update 2: 15 DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY. I’m not looking forward to being a year older, but how often does a day come around when all the focus and attention is on you? ONCE. It’s called a birthday. And mine will be filled with fun, laughter, dancing and you can bet there will be a lot of beer, random shots and hopefully no Blow Jobs. They’re incredibly messy… This year I’ll get to celebrate by birthday twice. The only reason I’m doing so is because four of my friends will be out of either a) the city or b) the damn country. So technically I guess I just voided the whole, “…how often does a day come around when all the focus and attention is on you? ONCE.” thing. But that’s okay! Cause it’ll be my birthday! HAH.

In Addition...

In addition to my previous post regarding the new shoes, I’d like to point out that I have not lost my mind and that indeed the shoes were worth it (or maybe I’m just saying that to convince myself that they were…).

Look! See! I wasn't so insane after all! I do own pretty shoes!

How was I to deny my feet the joys of these?

I'd like to point out that I am aware of my chicken legs. I've been aware of them since elementary school... and all throughout junior high... and high school. Believe me, they aren't going to get any "fuller". Lastly, I am aware of my freakishly pale, pasty, no-tan-in-sight legs. It's hard to tell in these photos because of the lack of flash when the pictures were taken. I have zero intention on getting these suckers tanned. In fact, I aim for the pasty-white look. No, that wasn't a joke.

No, really, it isn't.

Seizure Induced

Are you all prepared for a seizure? ‘Cause I know I am. Apologies for the loads of crap posts lately; it has been ultra crazy at work and the lack of sleep has been worse than usual. I’ve got plenty to write about but I’m finding that I’m only able to squeeze in a few minutes to reflect on what has happened the last few days. So until things start slowing down, I’m going to have to keep throwing out more brief posts. I know. I know. It’s pathetic.

July 1:
Oh, Canada Day! I must say, this Canada Day definitely ranked somewhere in my personal top 3.

(Okay, it has taken me 13 minutes just to type all this out. I have revised this -/me stares intently at document- addendum three times now. No more.)

The weather was perfect but I must have gotten at least 10 mosquitoes’ bites. First the gentleman and I went down to the city park where there was a Canada Celebration going on. We ended up watching a magician do his thing when he asked the crowd a particular question, ended up pulling the gentleman up to his “stage” and proceeded to do a magic trick involving the gentleman himself. I sat there watching, in all my glory, laughing hysterically like there were no tomorrow.

After the park, went back to his place, drank 3 litres of champagne between the two of us, packed a thermos with more champagne, grabbed a blanket and headed down to watch the fireworks. We then sat ourselves down and watched the fireworks, with the most perfect view, drinking “7-Up” from the thermos.

July 2:
Did he say what I think he said? I’m sure I heard wrong. Otherwise, someone is sending mixed signals and needs to get their antenna fixed.

Played a hell of a lot of bass that evening. After playing the bass so much lately, and then picking up a guitar, the guitar really does look and feel like a toy. Not that it is a toy… but… it’s just so much smaller? If that made any sense.

July 3:
Finally went out with my family to celebrate my sister’s birthday. She’s been working a lot lately. First, though, we hit the mall. I regret it. Sort of. The regret comes from buying two pairs of shoes. TWO. What.The.HELL. Me. Of all people. Allow me to explain. I’m not the stereotypical female when it comes to shoes. My idea of awesome accessorizing is all about the belt. I’ve got plenty. I try to avoid being like my sister who has maybe 20 damn pairs of shoes that are just black. WHY?! I do not understand this! I own a pair of DCs, Globes (I love them too much to throw out… even though there is a massive hole in the bottom), Converse, a pair of cherry designed flip-flops, an adorable pair of ballerina flats, a pair of HOTT black heels, two pairs of work shoes and my skank boots. After yesterday? Add a pair of really adorable, irresistible, heel-type-thingies with a ribbon that ties around the ankle and a pair of sandals that, I guess, I could have done without… UGH.

Oh, I also found out that liquid foundation will not, I repeat: WILL NOT, cover up a tattoo. I guess I won’t be wearing a skirt to work any time soon. UGHx2.

AND! After nearly a year, my sister is finally starting to pay back the money she borrowed from me for her trip. It’s a sickening amount that she borrowed. Let’s just say it’s in the thousands. THOUSANDS.

July 4:
Forty-nine minutes later, I’m finally wrapping this up.

Went to get coffee this morning and saw packets of Sweet N’ Low. I must have been traumatized from that one time because as soon as I saw the packets I got a horrible flashback and could taste the horridness in my mouth.

Happy Canada Day, eh!

Happy Canada Day to fellow Canadians! and to my readers down South! and to those around the world! Yeah, I know some of you don’t care, but meh! Tonight I will be out and aboot (hah!) getting drunk off champagne but I won’t be need a toque (hah!) because it ought to be nice out today, EH (hah!!).

(Get this, I really do say ‘eh’ a lot… so damn stereotypical of me. But! I don’t say ‘about’, ‘aboot’. That should count for something…)

Counting Down

Side Note: I’d just like to point out that I am slightly saner with the high consumption of coffee in my system.


For me, around the end of June to mid-August is typically hectic in regards to dates I have to remember/count down to. This year is no exception.

On June 27, it was my sister’s birthday. Now I continue to count down the remaining important dates that are up and coming.

6 days till Stephen’s birthday.

7 days till the chaos begins at work.

20 days till my friend returns from Europe after being there three months for her practicum. Damn that lucky bitch.

20 days till I miss the Warped Tour. Again.

30-40 days (approximately) till Jamie leaves me for a foreign country, for 6 months, because he is an asshole.

40 days till my mom’s birthday.

44 days till my dad’s birthday.

And last, but not least, and quite obviously out of the date order sequence,

42 days till I get alcohol poisoning, also referred to as my birthday.

Beyond Pointless

First and foremost? I continue to watch American Idol and…

Are you all sitting? Seriously. You’re going to want to sit down for this.

You’ve been warned.


Clay Aiken performed and oh.my.god. was I in heaven. Clay Aiken would definitely fit into the category of My Dirty Little Secret file. Clay… is soooo dreamy. I have loved that man since he got his makeover when he was a contestant on the show. And you know what? I don’t care who knows! Yes! I dig Clay Aiken and (get this) I also got his album when it came out. Sure, this did get me banished into The Land of No Return within my group of friends, but damn, it was worth it. Oh Clay. *swoon*

Anyway, let’s move onward and hopefully I didn’t make myself out to be a total geek.

An apology in advance for any of today’s post being completely random and quite possibly incoherent.

Last night wasn’t exactly what I would call a good night. Yes, my team did win but if you had watched the game you would understand why I’m not as ecstatic about it as I should be. The rest of the evening also did not go too well. I have only one word to say regarding it: Fuck. And no, not Fuck in a good way.

Now, America, I’ve got an enquiry for you. Are Ipod listening rooms/lounges/etc. popular down there? I ask that question because the bar I was at last night had Tuesday Ipod Listening Night. Upon questioning, “What is this Ipod Listening Night you speak of?”

Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m still watching American Idol and goddamn, speak of the devil. If it isn’t Prince himself performing on stage.

aaahahahaha0ha0h0haa0ha

Okay, focus. After asking the bartender, “What is this Ipod Listening Night you speak of?” he explained that all you have to do is bring in a playlist, on your Ipod, and they’ll play it in the bar for you with their large and in charge, fancy speakers for all to hear. He mentioned that in the States this was very popular and that it’s, “Happening all over.”

Is this true? I mean, being up in Canada and all (eh) I wouldn’t quite know.

As well, I am able to admit that I am an obsessive label peeler. And not just any label, but beer labels. I am completely UNABLE to drink a beer without having the labels all peeled off. And that’s not all. I have to place the labels PERFECTLY in an EXACT position facing me. Otherwise? I get all edgy. Maybe tomorrow, if I remember, I’ll bring my camera to show this. No, wait. Tomorrow, after the hockey game, I’m going to see an Iron Maiden cover band… not too sure if I want to bring my digital camera with me. Back to what I was saying. Even the bartender, last night, mentioned that he’s going to have to take the labels off before giving me the beer. It is just that obnoxious.

Sorry, mild interruption. YESSSSS. Taylor won American Idol. After Chris got kicked off? And Elliot? I knew that Taylor had to win. HAD.TO.WIN.

See? I warned you this would be all over the place!

OH! Slowly, but surely, I am getting the hang of this bass guitar playing; although, I admit, I still am finding myself trying to play it like a guitar. I did manage to learn to play Another One Bites the Dust by Queen! Shhh... Yes, I realize it's an easy one.



I just cleaned all three nose piercings.



This is probably the most pointless entry I have to date.

Moving Along

So tomorrow will be week #3 since the Fuckhead took off and my God what has happened since?! Plenty, I tell ya, plenty. Now, I can’t fit everything into one post but in due time I can gauran-fuckin-tee that I’ll get to it all. Until then, here is the short list.

First off? Why the hell was I not informed that it’s already MAY?! For the love of all that is deep-fried… I am completely spaced by this. I’m freaking out a little because on the 3rd it would have been another month anniversary for Fucktard and me. I need ideas on what I can do to pleasantly occupy myself from blubbering in a corner crumpled into a ball. Need.ideas.

Remember how I mentioned I was a cheapskate? Well, I went on a shopping spree! Clothes, pretty panties, THE WORKS. Sadly, though, it only cheered me up for about a couple days; then the guilt set in and I felt like a loser for spending so much money. Gag.

teehee. Also? Remember my haircut story? teehee. I decided that I needed a change to maybe aid in my shift and went to get a haircut at a hairdresser! Now, you’re thinking, “Good on ya!” No, no… BAD ON ME. This story will top off any of my haircutting stories. That I promise you.

I’d also like to mention that I have consumed more beer in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last TWO YEARS. It’s to the point that my stomach is making funny gurgling noises. If translated correctly, I believe it’s saying, “HELP. She’s attacking the liver with the liquor! LET US OUT OF HERE.”

Now here’s the part that may or may not shock anyone. Yes! I, AJ, have done it again! As mentioned previously, I have always managed to land myself in a relationship almost immediately after a break-up. I haven’t decided yet if I totally rule or if I totally suck for this, but I pulled it off again. I’d like to make it clear, though, that it is NOT a serious relationship. Its only been two dates, plus the initial meeting, but so far things are looking well. I haven’t decided yet if this is what I want but regardless, I’m enjoying the company. Also, I’m fairly lost with this whole “dating-thing” because I don’t quite “date”. The last real date I had was maybe over three years ago.

Lastly, and possibly the one thing that has been the hardest for me, I have slept ON MY OWN (ie. with no friends around to comfort my dreadful soul) for about a week now. It’s not that I am unable to sleep on my own, but because I had grown accustomed to a Fuckface (oh, I’ve got plenty more Fuck-names) sleeping beside me. I still get the terrified tension the second I know I have to start to get ready for bed, but hell; at least I’m doing it on my own. I gotta have some credit for that. The credit that I don’t deserve, though, is the fact that I still need to have a drink before I sleep. Without it, I will constantly wake up in a panic and take forever just to doze off. Fret not, in time I will attempt to do it without the drink.

Oh wait… I just remembered one other item that I have got to mention. EDMONTON-FUCKING-OILERS! Tonight, Game 6, 3-2 Oiler series. If the Oilers nab this one, they will be moving on to the second round. The part that I’m not happy about? The fact that the arch-nemeses, Calgary Flames, is also playing tonight with a 3-2 series. Ugh, yes, I completely realize that I live in Calgary and that I’m cheering for the enemy in the Battle of Alberta, but I was born in raised in Edmonton and my God they are still my team. Keep on rockin’.

Things I'm Learning/Realizing:

Firstly
Thong lines are worse than panty lines. The reasoning behind this: Think about it for a second. You see someone (preferably a female) walking down the street wearing a nice pair of pants and lone behold you see The Thong Line. For myself, I’m thinking SKANK. teehee. You just know she’s slutting it up (not necessarily a bad thing). My piece of advice? Don’t do what I once did (read: wear slender pants with a thong and try to conceal The Thong Line by strategically placing the rear along various, large objects). I suggest wearing regular panties (not granny), purchasing a nice selection of g-strings, or going commando if you’re into that scene.

Secondly
You know Kip in Napoleon Dynamite? Aaron Ruell? Hot. My God. From Kip – ew – to Aaron – YUM. Why was I not informed of his real life hotness? I think I may have creamed my panties… Is all this so wrong of me?

I can't get enough of those two photos of Aaron... the two of Kip can go...

Thirdly
The longer I look at a faux-hawk the more I wonder whether or not this person was being chased by an oversized squishing machine. While being chased, by this oversized squishing machine, said person was too quick on his or her feet and the only thing the machine got (squish) was their hair. Hence, the faux-hawk. It could be possible…

*runningrunningrunning*

*squishflattensquish*

Said Person: AAARAaaarrghhh!

Said Person: *pats head*

Said Person: Phew. Escaped in time and all the machine got was my hair. *checks self in mirror*

Said Person: OH! Look at my hair! It’s like, a mohawk, only not! It shall be dubbed The Faux-Hawk! Cause, like, I’m cool like that.


Ahem. Right.

/me currently rolling her eyes counter-clockwise.

Expensive Footwear Venture

I’m excited. I have few ideas of what I’d like for my next Expensive Footwear Venture.

Because I’m such a cheap bastard, I limit my splurging -anywhere from approximately $100-$500- to no more than twice a year (give or take). Otherwise, you will not catch me in a store “for the hell of it.” I will not spend over $10 for a tank-top; no more than $20 for a t-shirt; and absolutely no more than $40 for pants, and even that is a lot of money for me. And yes! It is possible to find awesome clothes at those prices. Someone has got to tell my sister that $100 for a sweater is so not cool.

The last Expensive Footwear Venture brought me boots, so this time around I’m thinking of going with something different. Right now the race is between: the vinyl with the black lace (I heart vinyl); the same version with no vinyl but with red lace (love the red lace); another vinyl design (so damn cute); a vinyl design with hearts (I heart the hearts but I can picture myself falling in stilettos); these flats which I know they have at the store but aren’t pictured (I love the pink bow); and…. Oh fuck it. Who am I kidding. I want them all and SO.MUCH.MORE.

Official "Blog Everything" Day - Ultimate Blogging Day

April 1 has been dubbed the Official “Blog Everything” Day. The idea originated with this gentleman and he intends to blog until he can’t blog no more. So, folks, it’s time to whip out your ideas on anything and everything.

Do it, because you know you wanna - I know I'll be digging around for some topics.


Now I must save up all my thinking/writing ideas for tomorrow...

Dab-But-Try-Not-To-Pick

Fucks sake. I’m sick with a cold.

For the last week I could feel myself becoming sick, but I tried to ward it off by OD’ing on vitamin C, drinking lots of fluids and attempting to rest. Well, yesterday was the day that my body decided to give in. I’m sneezing, I’ve got a sore throat, I feel horrid and the worst part of it all? my nose is runny.

I hate, hate, having a runny nose. I hate runny noses as much as I hate the sound it makes when it’s being blown. Horrid, horrid sound. It disgusts me even to hear other people blow their nose. I have no idea what it is about it that I dislike so much.

I can’t blow my nose like a “normal” person. Because I have three piercings in my nose, all that jewelry gets in the way of a comfortable blow (as if there really is a comfortable blow). So instead I do the Dab-But-Try-Not-To-Pick. I dab my nose, but dab enough so that I get rid of that nasty snot while making sure it doesn’t look like I pick my nose.

Too much detail, I know.

So now my nose is bright red, stinging and sore. I’m deep down in the dumps and I’m going to bring everyone down with me (like I was going to suffer alone!).