Thursday, March 09, 2006

Losing My First Tooth

One thing that I love about being able to write pointless crap again is reminiscing about my past and remembering all the good/stupid/funny/dumb times that I’ve been through.

During my lunch break at work, a friend and I got on the topic of stupid things we have thought and done as a child.

I still vividly remember losing my first tooth. I was sitting at the dining table awaiting my parents to hand me a bowl of Jello. “Mmm, mmm, MMMM – Jello!” I thought. That tasty, jiggling bowl of Jello was finally handed to me and I quickly grabbed a stainless steel spoon and dug right in.

I was a greedy child who didn’t like to share so I was in a rush to finish the Jello before my sister spotted me and begged for some. In my mad dash, to stuff my mouth with this jiggling goodness, I accidentally banged my spoon against my front tooth and immediately felt a pang of pain and shock.

I ran up the stairs to the bathroom and checked my tooth out in the mirror.

*wiggle* *wigglewiggle*

*wigglewigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle*

Oh, motherfucking, God.

I instantly began thinking to myself that my life was over. My tooth! My precious tooth! It’s goooooooone! In hopes of saving my life and avoiding being the Toothless Wonder, I figured that I could squeeze my tooth back into my gums and that everything would be okay. Well, that failed.

Quietly, I walked back downstairs and sat my sorry ass at the dining table. My parents must have noticed the long face because they had asked me what was wrong.

I was cornered. No turning away and running now. I confessed!

“Mommy… Daddy… *sob* I lost my tooth! It’s gone! What’s going to happen to me?!”

Oh, well, let me tell ya. They laughed. Yeah, they laughed at my pain and sorrow!

It was then that I was told of this magical fairy. Yes folks! The Tooth Fairy! By this point all I could think of was money… money.

Naturally, this fantasy fairy was spoiled when I found out -years later- that he or she doesn’t exist… along with the notion that money does not grow on trees and that the man I called Daddy is not an ATM machine…

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2 Comments:

Blogger Nick said...

"the man I called Daddy is not an ATM machine…"

Daddy's aren't, but husbands are. Only they don't ever know they are dispensing the cash, it just disappears...

8:05 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Heh. My ATM (aka The Boyfriend) is broken. He knows all my tricks and doesn't dispense the cash so easily.

5:52 PM  

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