Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Pure Genius

When I was younger (okay, I admit, during my high school years), I honestly thought I was a genius. Thinking back on it, I realize the majority of the things I’ve done/thought were out of plan stupidity. I’d like to refer to these as my “I Was Young, Let Me Be Dumb” years.

One year for Halloween I dressed up as a Dark and Stormy Night. Oh the questions everyone had. You see, I dressed up in all black (during my short-lived goth days) and I carried around an obviously looking water pistol. When the folks at school asked me what I was dressed as, I simply replied, “A Dark and Stormy Night! Here is the dark *point at my outfit* and here is the stormy! *shoots water pistol at person*” At the time, I seriously thought it was a great idea…

Speaking (writing) of great ideas and stormy, at one point I also believed I could start a thunderstorm in my locker, at school, using a cup of water and tin foil. Ugh. Just thinking about it is too embarrassing to tell… I’ll have to stop here with this tale. But! It isn’t as bad as the guy who started a family of mold, in his locker beside mine, using pudding.

Now on to something completely unrelated, but just as equally “smart” in my ideas, St. Patrick’s Day. Here’s a piece of information about me… I hate the colour green. I have no problem with lovely green trees and grass, or someone wearing a green shirt; the problem I have with green is if it’s on me. I cannot wear the colour green without getting violently angry. I don’t know what it is about the colour and having it on me, but I can’t even wear green undergarments because I know it’s there.

On St. Patrick’s Day, for many years, I would avoid The Pinch by putting green nail polish on my middle finger, on my right hand. That’s it, nothing more. Whenever someone would approach me, with the Attack of the Pinch, I would tell them to stop the armies for I am wearing green. They would give me the quick glance -up and down- trying to spot this green, but to no avail they could not find a thing. It was then that I would flash them the middle finger (in a salute to the FUCK YOU) and I’d run off laughing.

This year, though, I’m not too sure what to do. I have no green nail polish (I do not want to have to spend the few dollars for a bottle I will use once) and I’m fearful of the Pinch Attack. I’m thinking that maybe this year I’ll hide until 12 a.m. of March 18, 2006.

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