Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Eye Knew It

Before my family and I moved to Calgary, from Edmonton, my eye sight was fantastic. I was 13 years old at the time and just starting grade 8. One day I noticed that I was having a hard time seeing the chalk board. I’d mosey on up to the front of the class, sit on the floor and take notes from there. After a month of doing this, my teacher (Ms. Moody – and yes, she was moody and scary) asked me if I had problems seeing the board. I told her that the writing on the board was a little blurry and she suggested that I tell my parents and go see an eye doctor.

I went home after school and after a few hours I finally told my parents of my issue. They set up an eye appointment for me and I was set.

They day of the appointment, I was terrified. I’m so not kidding when I say I had an over… oh what’s the word I’m thinking of… over-imaginative? over-active? over-crazy? Anyway, an over-one-of-those-words mind. I was terrified because I believed that I had some sort of fucked up eye disorder that was slowly causing me to go blind and that was why I couldn’t see things far away.

Well, as I’m sure we’ve all figured out by now, it wasn’t an eye disorder; in fact, I was near-sighted. And so began the horrors of wearing glasses.

One of these horrors is losing my eye glasses. I try to wear my glasses all the time and I’m completely lost without them. I’ve had my glasses squashed because someone’s fat ass sat on them, I’ve had them smooshed while having sex and someone decided to roll over them, I’ve even had a screw pop the fuck out and nearly fly right in my eye, and all in all? I’ve gone through a few pairs of glasses.

The worst, though, is losing your glasses and not knowing where you put them.

“Where’d the hell I put them?”

“Those fuckers were right here. I know it.”

“OKAY WHO’S THE JACKASS THAT HID MY GLASSES, JACKASS.”

There have been times where I would look high and low for my dear glasses, but to no avail they could not be found.

It would be at that moment when I’d realize that I had been doing a great job searching for my glasses.

I had been wearing my eyeglasses the entire time.

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