Monday, August 14, 2006

Screw Stella. How AJ Got Her Groove Back.

Ohmygod. I’m a total wreck. I just escaped the horrid tentacle grip of these bizarre life-forms that beamed me up (all Scottie-like) and deemed me as their new Master of All That is Lazy. And Mentally Not-All-There. And well, Et Cetera. For those who would like to head to up Canada to beat my ass: Do it. Doooo it. Please knock some sense in me. Seriously, though. We could sit back, have a beer. Screw bringing your own booze. Believe me. I have more than enough in my fridge. It has to go. (Side Thought: I should take a photo of the innards of said fridge. Beeeeeer. But food? Quite possibly non-existent.)

So here’s the lo-down. The month of August has been tinkering with my brain. It has made me a little… insane. Where to start…

I have been busting my ass at work. I’m trying to get all my work done so that I can take some vacation time without worrying too much about coming back to the office only to find 50 emails in my inbox and about 30 unheard messages on my phone. It has happened before. I may have peed my pants a little. Let’s imagine that it never happened. The crappy part of this “busting my ass” is that I busted too early. It turns out that I am unable to take holidays until the last week of August. What I should have done is try to relax a little at the beginning of August and slowly work my way up to Bust It Hardcore During the Last Week. So in turn, because all my work is done on the computer, I have been so very turned off by this piece of technology. So very, very turned off. So turned off that DIE COMPUTER DIE I HATE YOU. You see? My mind = GONE. Which in turn has guided me away from the Internet. BUT! That’s only part of it.

I, AJ, officially the LAZIEST person on earth (you’d all be disgusted with how lazy I can be) has done the unthinkable. This is how it went:

*Enter AJ into a sport-type-thingy store*
Sales Person: Hi, is there anything I can help you out with?
AJ: Yeah… I’m looking for running shoes.
Sales Person: Okay, do you have an idea of what you have in mind?
AJ: *blank stare* *deer caught in headlights* *trying to not run out of the store in a panic*

After a while of trying to figure out what the hell I am to say, I did try on a pair of New Balance shoes.

Sales Person: How do those feel?
AJ: Err… I think okay… They’re going to take some time to get used to.
Sales Person: Oh? Are they uncomfortable?
AJ: No… they’re comfortable, but I’m more accustomed to shoes like these.
AJ: *holds up worn in DC shoes that have clearly been through a rough time*
Sales Person: Oh, okay. Well, take a short jog around the store to see how they feel in action.
AJ: Say whaaa? *trying not to laugh at the idea of me jogging*

So there you have it. I bought my first pair of non-skate shoes. Only took me 23 years, but I did it. Of course my friends now believe that aliens have kidnapped my mind and switched it with someone else’s… but that’s alright! So I’ve begun to go running a few times a week and taking advantage of the exercise room that is available in my building. Lastly, my God folks, you have no idea how useful your suggestions were in finding running shoes. New Balance = super and reasonably priced. A shoe size larger = brilliant. However, this whole running and exercise deal has come with an embarrassing price and another new low for me.

One word: Lululemon. People. Oh.my.word. Never, EVER in my life would I have imagined that I’d be a Lululemon wearing psycho-freak. Because, you know, I’m too hardcore for that shit. Or something like that. Well, that and Jamie… and my sister… CharCammiGarrettStephen and anyone that I am friends with, would start calling me a yuppie if I purchased anything from that store. Alas, I have already purchased this, that and this. Totalling about $230.00. Oi… But in my defence, my ass had never looked so good before. The pants are amazing. It’s like magic!

Lululemon Pants: I dub thee the power of HOTT ass!

Now are you starting to understand the Mentally Not-All-There?

Also, I started eating healthier! I no longer snack on chips for breakfast! No wait… I still have a nibble here and there… But aside from that, major improvement every where else. Except for the beer thing. I’m sorry. But I draw the line there. That will be my carb intake. So all in all, I’m about 5 or so pounds away from my desired weight. Next topic.

HAH. Shit, this is post is going to take half an hour to read.

My friend, my bestest friend Jamie, has left me. He packed his bags and said, SEE YA BITCH, I DON’T CARE IF I LEAVE YOU. Well, he didn’t say that, but I bet he was thinking it. Months prior to August, Jamie had been planning a trip to Vietnam. Deep down, in the depths of my soul, I had ignored his planning in hopes that he’ll change his mind and stay. Before you knew it, he had purchased his ticket and all the begging and guilt trips that I brought on were pointless. He was going to leave for Vietnam for six months and there was nothing I could do about it. Seriously. What the hell does Vietnam have on me? NOTHING. Sure I’m not a beach… and I think eating meat other than chicken, cow or pig is wrong… But I skateboard. And play guitar and bass. And have no problems running around in the streets drunk. Can these people say the same for them? Didn’t think so. Anyway. The day before his flight we spent it together hanging out and enjoying ourselves.


See! Food! I basically said screw eating healthy, let’s go all out!


The one thing Jamie left for me was this dino. We used to shove plastic animals in each others pants. What the fuck? Yeah, I know.

The most difficult part of the day had arrived. The day I had to say good-bye. And I cried like a sissy.


I hate that bastard. Okay, only slightly hate.

Aside from all that, I’ve seen a lot of my family lately. My dad had a barbeque over the long-weekend, my mom’s birthday was on August 9 and my dad’s birthday was on August 13. It was good to see my family so much during the last while.

HAH! I found this label that my sister stuck on my dad's water bottle.

Teehee. My dad accidently dropped the delicious meat.

Last, but not least (or at least I think this is it… who knows… I forget easily… maybe there’s more… anyway…) my birthday that took place on August 11! Folks, I am officially 24 years old with zero cavities/fillings. Why did I mention that? Because my teeth are rocking with age.

And may I just say? I partied as if it were 1982. HAH. Geddit? 1982. Year I was born. HAAAAAA. So clever.

I had decided to take a vacation day for my birthday and I loved it. I slept in, went for lunch with my dad, went for a run then to the exercise room, watched a DVD and prepped myself for a night out on the town. I had gathered all my friends and we were heading to a rock club so that we can get wasted and dance like there was no tomorrow (in my case there thankfully was a tomorrow).

Beeeeeeeer!

Number of beers drank: Lost count
Number of shots drank: 1, 2, 3… Lost count
Number of people I met that night that shared the same birthday as me: 2
Number of times my sister had to pull my drunken ass away from hot rocker boys trying to pick me up and/or snag a kiss: 8
Number of minutes I argued with my sister regarding pulling me away after the hot mohawk guy after he asked me to dance with him: 15 minutes, give or take
Number of my friends (number count including me) dancing on top of the speaker like we were the latest item in a strip club: 7
Number of times I thought to myself, “what the g’damn fuck was I thinking/doing last night?”: 1,000,000,000,000,000

When you're smiling like this, you know that it's going to be a good drunken night. And a painful morning.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous dawn said...

Hahaha! Well I've been wondering where you've been. Sounds like a perfect birthday celebration. (I read the whole thing - it didn't take a half hour)

6:01 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

Is that you, the bottom picture?

6:18 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

Wow, you've been busy. I wouldn't really call that lazy AJ; you've been up to a lot it seems. And I'm glad you found some good running shoes.

8:58 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Dawn - It was probably the 1st or 2nd best birthday celebration to date. Not quite sure how I'm going to out-do myself for next year... especially for the big 2-5. Quarter of a century/antique-status here I come.

Nick - Yep. That'd be me about 3 beers in, just prior to the shots being lined up.

Alex - Surprisingly I have been busy. I'm looking forward to finally being on holidays and getting some good running in. May even make a trip up to Edmonton - who knows!

1:44 PM  

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