Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Fork in the Road

I’ve got to be honest; especially to myself. The last few weeks have not been easy.

I believed that with work slowing down I’d be able to relax, calm down and get at least 30 extra minutes of sleep a night on top of my 3-5 hours. None of this has happened. I’m finding that I’m going around in a circle that, obviously, is just.not.ending. I manage to land myself in fits of doubt in myself and others. This then drags on to the constant questions that, of course, come with no answers. That, then, concludes with tears. Many, many tears.

On Friday I promised myself that I would enjoy the weekend and party it up as if it were 1969. Yes, 1969.

Friday night I had gone out with some friends and we begun the drinking of many beers at 6:15 p.m. During the course of the evening, the males played poker and my friend Char and I took our seats as the cheerleaders. Let me tell you, she and I have perfected the MC Hammer dance.

I’d like to point out that riding a skateboard drunk is not a good idea. It is also not a good idea to ride a non-street legal, mini-motorbike down the road. Following an ambulance. With a fire truck following behind said bike. I’d also like to point out that it was not I that pulled that stunt. I can’t say the same for the skateboard incident. In the end, we drank until 6:00 a.m. No, sadly, that isn’t a typo. I did not make it home until 7:00 a.m. but it was so worth it.

Saturday night was a rough night. I’m not even going to get into details because I don’t remember much of it. All I know is that I woke up feeling beyond ill, finding lots of empty bottles and recalling something about the skate park and how there is sand there.

Sunday turned out to be productive. I did the dishes, a couple loads of laundry and took it easy. But that’s when it all went wrong. I find that I am incapable of “taking it easy.” The second I’m left alone I am filled with constant mind chatter. I recall the nightmares I’ve had over the last few months, the memories of what used to be and how I tried so hard to find things that make me happy but ended up failing miserably.

In the last few months, since the Fucktard incident, I have done more things for myself than I ever have. I got a new haircut; bought a crap load of new clothes; bought a bass guitar and amp; slimmed down about 10 lbs and 2 inches in the waist; and partied hard with friends. You’d think that I’d be a damn happy person after this. You’d be wrong.

So, I’m thinking, what else is there?

AH HAH! I know.

A new tattoo or piercing.

In the last week, I’ve felt that same tightness in my skin that typically signifies that I have GOT to get something done to my flesh (haha, what the hell) in order to relieve that addiction to the needle. PIERCING OR TATTOO NEEDLE. Geez. No offence to those that err… enjoy the other forms of the needle, but no thanks – I’ll pass. (Side Note: I am actually terrified of needles and yet no one believes me when I say so.)

Right now I am looking at the pros and cons of what I am interested in getting. I don’t have many options for piercings because of work, but I have a couple of ideas in mind and a few questions that the artist will have to answer for me. I also have many ideas of what tattoos I would like to get, but for the time being, I have it narrowed down between two ideas (maybe three… if I decide to go small).

So currently I’m debating between:

Piercing
- A venom tongue piercing (Weird I know, but I don’t like the average one tongue piercing.) (Same with the one nose piercing thing; hence the three nose piercings.) (Who am I kidding, in my personal preference this goes for all piercings.) (Maybe 15 piercings is enough and I should stop while I’m ahead.) (Screw that.)

Or

- A vertical labret (This, however, will only be done if there is a retainer available to hide it from work)

Tattoo
- A lotus flower on the top of my right foot

Or

- Can’t say. HAH. This idea is slightly more original and I don’t want some fucker stealing it (not saying that any of you would, *wink wink*). Basically the tattoo would be on the outsides of my calves (matching tattoos with each one being done a month apart) and would be approximately 5-5.5 inches high and maybe 4 inches wide (if it wraps around my leg slightly).

As of right now, I have a few ‘undecided votes’, a few ‘tattoo votes’ and zero ‘piercing votes’. Hah.

I need to figure out what to do.

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